I didn't count as a HUMAN Being at all and still don't count much this is about HELL to HELL pain much like wall to wall carpet
(Trigger warning mention of Suicide)
You started this as a system that i was supposed to be able to trust in way the hell back on October 15, 2018 when i had a rectal exam by the Resident Evil Doctor who with her finger in my anus said (squeeze) what the fu*k and she made me do it 2x (I don't forget, or forgive) she also said i had a bedsore
I suffered dearly for 179 days (5 months 28 days), with a bedsore that grew from the size of a dime to 3.5cm x 3.5cm x 1.5cm deep the size of a silver dollar and or a toonie, before a surgical remedy was "offered"" unto me
After the second conscious biopsy (the bone biopsy, where the pain level was driven to a level 12) the nurses at the Home Care clinic said "Its Heart Shaped" and some of the wound dressings were cut into a HEART (girls like to have fun with the schizoids) got one that collects us: Go Figure eh?
I didn't count as a HUMAN Being and now I do, maybe a little more however I am once again dealing with Nerve Pain from now "sinus attract wounds" (under the skin) that measure
@ July 10, 2019
9am = 2cm
12pm = 6 cm
2pm = 2.2 cm
entrance wound is 0.5 cm and depth = 1.5cm
This is incredible as I am suffering daily every day.
My Medicine Cocktail is
Codeine 30 mg x 4 a day
Tylenol 1,000mg x 4 x a day
Naproxene 500mg x 2 a day
Gabapintin 600mg 1x a day
And still I am suffering
This HOLY HOLE Business is a $3B industry in the USA and it is costly here also
At times I just want to say screw it, screw people (I try and so far its worked, to remember a few of my buddies that killed themselves and the pain it caused me) so far its working. I try and remember the people smiling and waving at me as YOU drive by in your cars, and it is too is working
I worry about when my safety measures don't work - what will happen then? Who will I call - I have an action plan
what if it fails?
I don't want to cause no pain in this pain filled world as there is more than enough already without me adding to it