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WHY?

I sit here this night reading and wondering about what I could do as when I bend over most of the time

yah well I end up falling down and then I need to struggle to get me up as it may seem I am young when you pass me on the streets of a City that allowed me to call HOME 2x

The first was 1978 (long time ago) and I knew no one barely and ..

Then in again in 2016 after I was done and gone for THREE PLUS years from September 4, 2013 until October 12, 2016 after the programming I was sent to out to study and learn was done as well as my mentors / coaches felt that I was ready with the studies and books I needed to read and study were sufficently absoorbed


Aprox. after a year of wondering about my place in the City and my the place in my mind were ready I placed upon my head a HAT a BIG GREEN MAD HATTER HAT that would be what I was to be in the City I had finally decided to call my HOME


I only had a Home for a short while before this one in my life and world as my dad moved out after I was harmed and he was having a hard time as he also had a Heart Attack and knew that the time he would have left on Earth was now on a clock that he was aware of and it cuased him to be fearful as my Dad lived fast and did everything he wanted to do before the brief life that were all allowed was over


I was able to see my Dad on Feburary 4, 1975 in the driveway of the Family Home (but for the life of me I have zero idea at all what we did the few hours before that I have no idea at all as all I see is my dad AND I only remember a few words he shared with and then it was late and I went in the house damn I sit here right now and I see the whole family blowing up that night even though it wasn't for a few more days as I didn't talk to him after this and I have no idea as what he was up to at all but on Febuarary 19, 1975 around 1130pm the fucken phone rang I was in bed as it was a school night I think


My whole body went ICE COLD and I felt my dad I felt the same feeling when my Grandma on Dad's side also passed away


I am sitting so damn alone and I am hurting as my damn back has been bad again all day (pretty much all week) and I am mentally fucked up to as now we (Dr P) figured out I have PTSD and I find out well it has ZERO cure as according to a few people I can drink or get HIGH


And either of these options are things I really want to do daily what am I supposed to do now as I had to pretty much fight everyone to get yet a therapist to help with the damn PTSD as I want to learn to control this damn thing as it is like it just takes over -- it is like a bomb in my mind - and I hate this as I am not a angry person (I now am for sure) as this damn thing I went 39-40 very very long years with a bunch of Psychrists and we drugged me up to the point I was basically no longer there as a HUMAN but a TEST TUBE that was only an experiemntal vial and I never knew anything about well people until one day me and the incredible Doctor I has now decided to try to see if there was a differnce in the color of the sky when on or off massive doses of medicines and I had an injection on April 22, 2021 and this was going to be the last one for a wee bit as I wanted to YOUR SKY AS IT IS A DIFFERENT COLOR OF BLUE (from that of me DRUGGED OUT OF MY MIND)


Keep in mind I am not a Crimnal I has a illness and drugs are not always a treatment as sometimes compassion, understanding etc (LOVE) are better than any pharmacutical products


Hey people I am not a bad Mental Patient in fact I am not even a really bad HUMAN in fact I also think that we as a SOCIETY may have mixed up the order of the words as I think I am a HUMAN first and then a Mental Patient


However I have never been allowed to FEEL like a HUMAN so all this FEELING stuff is brand new

Like how was / am I supposed to know or understand


Kindness

Love

Understanding

Compassion ect


If I have not experienced them since this shit load of pharmacuticail products have been given to me with a PROMISE that it would help me feel better


I was unable to FEEL and PILLS / Injections were now going to allow me to FEEL like a


HUMAN BEING okay I will attempt this as I never felt HUMAN at all it is fucken horrible as what was I here for all of those years 39-40 years


What was I in YOUR EYES (families / friends / doctors and well pretty much everyones EYES)


ah huh I was the damn DOPPED UP ( * MENTAL PATIENT * ) which is what the SOCIETY I was allowed to live wanted me to be


You see people were happier as they were all making serious money off the DRUGS (PILLS) and INJECTIONS (this alone was $587 every 28 days = $ 7,630 a year just for the needle which pretty much was making me sick (physically) for a few days to weeks after but no one gave a shit as the Nurse that did the needle couldn't change it and I was never able to tell a doctor when I was actually sick from the meds


Hey

39 to 40 years of heavy pills (And everyone had a wrong illness / diagnosis including me as I was unable to go back into my memories as I was "get this" TO SCREWED UP ON THE CHEMICALS THAT EVERYONE WAS SHOVING AT ME for


39--40 YEARS -- Hey do you now think my brain is NORMAL (I didn't say screwed up I said NORMAL as I still pretty much get through a book (reading) a week or so, as I do not own a TV as I would rather learn stuff that know my life was drifting away in front of the TV you know as I love books as this period is Blockchain, WEB3, Crypto, NFT's DAO's and setting up a SECOND BRAIN as I love to read and to write


This has been a damn crazy ride since I was ALLOWED TO SEE A BLUE SKY and bonus SUNSET and SUNRISE without a haze to see through there is so many more colors (and I never was asked if I was willing to take all the Chemicals / Drugs I just complied as I learned a stupid rule it would turn out while my mom and dad were living in the same home and we were taken to a doctor (or dentist / more on this critter later for those of you who do not know)


I was actually TAUGHT TO -- TRUST my doctors and dentists and that is weird as maybe this is why I have TRUST ISSUES as I actually lost my life well 39 to 40 long years of it along with a TOTAL SET OF TEETH THAT WERE ALL YANKED OUT OF MY MOUTH WITH


ZERO FREEZING & NO SCREAMING


Pretty fucken INTENSE HUH? MOUTHFUL OF TEETH NOT 1 OR 5 BUT EVERY DAM TOOTH IN MY MOUTH WITH


ZERO FREEZING & NO SCREAMING


Are you GAME want to see if you could do it (And Beleive it This was NOT)

NOT MY DAMN IDEA AS THEY SET THIS UP WEEKS IN ADVANCE WEEKS AND I DIDN'T KNOW AS ONCE AGAIN


I TRUSTED THE PEOPLE / DOCTORS AND CARE GIVERS YOU LEFT ME WITH AND YOU ALL (THEY) SET THIS UP (ask me as this is long fucked up story that NEVER should have occured to anyone as I was under the Governemnt Of Alberta care via The Alberta Mental Health & Addiction Programs & The Social Welfare Program / AISH --I TRUSTED ALL OF YOU AND YOU ALL TOOK MY FUCKEN TEETH OUT OF MY MOUTH FOR NO REASON AND


WITHOUT FREEZING OF ANY SORT & NO DAMN SCREAMING AS THE DENTIST SAID SHE HAD CHILDREN IN HER CLINIC


I TRUSTED DOCTOR, SOCIAL WORKER, THE NUT JOB THAT THE SOCIAL WORKER FROM THE HOSPITAL LEFT ME AT I TRUSTED EVERYONE


now i can't have a damn Apple, or A Carrot I can no longer eat FOOD (WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO A HUMAN BEING?


ANSWER = I AS A MENTAL PATIENT NEVER WAS OR CAN BE A REAL HUMAN BEING I m A THING A OBJECT SOMETHING TO USE, ABUSE, TORTURE OR DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT WITH ME AS I HAVE NO RIGHTS


And I do not have a CTO (community treatment order) I also am not NCR (not criminally responsible) in fact


I AM A DAMN ASSET TO THE COMMUNITY I LIVE IN BY MAKING HAPPY PEOPLE with my hat and staff and long coat and candies that i hand out to people in my comunnity along with a hope your having a Great Day & God Bless You


you know seniors like me, adults like me, and children like me and you will likely like me if you do NOT


pre judge me before you allow me to open up my toothless mouth (that Society Did Unto Me) as I has ZERO RIGHTS so the Society has been torturing me for DECADES and I opened my mouth with teeth or without teeth only to be disregarded as I am a MENTAL PATIENT (which is your label you gave me) it is not what or who i AM REALLY


YOUR SOCIETY SACRIFICED ME AFTER YOUR SOCIETY LABELED ME -- SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG WITH YOUR WORLD

ONE DAY THE WORLD YOU ALL LIVE IN AND HAVE HAD ALL THE DECENT SHIT WHILE I SUFFERED WILL BE GONE AS IT SEEMS YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE PLANET AND IT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU WILL EVER HAVE


WHAT DO YOU HUMANS GIVE A SHIT ABOUT OH MONEY YOU WANT MORE IF MY GUESS IS RIGHT BUT IT IS NOT MONEY IT IS ABOUT POWER AND ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU ALL CAN BUY TO SCREW THE PLANET UP EVEN MORE


HUMANS HAVE ALWAYS BLOWN ME AWAY AS THE TRUTH IS .. THERE SEEMS TO BE NO TRUTH AS YOU ALL



LIED TO EVERYONE AND THEN YOURSELF


I AM GOING AS I HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH


OH FORGOT YOU TOOK CARE OF THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH PAIN YOU CAUSED ME AS YOU NEVER EVER SAW ME AS A HUMAN


GUESS WHAT?


I FORGIVE EVERY FUCKEN ONE OF YOU AS GREED IS A BITCH AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE PLANET -- TELL YOUR GRANDKIDS AND THEIR KIDS THAT YOU NEEDED A BIGGER CAR/TRUCK JUST TELL THEM


HAHA YOU CAN'T TELL YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD YOU ARE KILLING THEM


WOW


HEY GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU AND I WONDER IF THIS ALL CAN BE FIXED NOW AS YOU DESTROYED A LIFE (ONLY ONE SO FAR?) YOU BETTER GET BUSY AS SO MANY MORE LIVES YOU CAN FUCK UP BEFORE GOD AND YOU MEET

Those were mine -- SADIST DENTIST I WAS TAKEN TO BY THE PEOPLE TRUSTED WITH MY DAMN LIFE


OH, AND THIS GETS WORSE AS WAIT FOR THE RATIONAL OF THE SYSTEM AND A MENTAL PATIENT SEEKING HELP AFTER WHAT HE WAS PUT THROUGH, AS THEY HURT YOU AGAIN WHEN YOU SEEK HELP AS HELP IS MEANT FOR THE ELITE KIDS I GUESS AND I AM A OLD MAN WELL A SENIOR CITIZEN (THEY DON'T LIKE THE OLD EITHER AS I REMEMBER WHAT OCCURED DURING COVID DAYS ) DO YOU

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