LOST

And this is the brand new beginning of "The Actor known as The Mad Hatter and his Experiences from the time I polished off my last 4 liters of "Cheap Red Wino Wine" and that fateful night was Valentines Night 2013 a long (pretty much 8 years ago) it will be 8 on the 15th of February 2021, and that seems a very long time ago looking reverse engineering my life as I do at times when I go into a self reflective manner


8 Years of intentional excellence and purposeful sobriety, there are no records at all of the first few years as I was a mess and my journey needed to be carried out without the use of props as it would seem every time I wrote my inner most thoughts down (the journals / note books and napkins) would vanish into the air as this all looking back was a means of "allowing" me to do a project "rethink" on my heart and soul as I would always find a different way of seeing the drama, movie and play from the inside out or the outside in


i used to drink and I used to do drugs (weeds) and pills (from the doctors that wrote up everything I "needed/wanted" Opiates and Benz's like and they knew it was way to easy not sure how it is now although I just spent a week in a hospital as I have another "medical issue" and this time it is my heart and no one is talking as it is always is like this as the patient (me in this case) can't deal with "IT"


Well like HELL am I dying as I think a patient should be allowed to know these things


LOST

Not many people know or have heard the St Valentines after party disaster when I was saved as in the web site title of


SAVING THE LIGHT


Did you know that my first name (borrowed from my grandpa on my dads side) Lucien in Latin means "THE LIGHT"


Tekla (Alice) set this blog up when I was slightly detained in a hospital of the mental variety for a medication and a heart check up


YOU ALL did it for me

YOU ---- SAVED THE LIGHT (Lucien) in my heart and soul


As you knew and looking back I am starting to think

That YOU ALL - Have known for awhile now about my name and all


LOST


it was a weird day i was up really early chasing ''steps'' with a pedometer (pre- fit bit time) i locked the door at 730am it was September 4, 2013 and my EXILE program was about to begin and I had no idea that I was going to be a star


And I actually wasn't in the mood at all as it was only 201 days into my sobriety programs all I was doing was walking and walking sorta like I was a few months ago just to stay sober as this meant something to me as I was


ALONE and soon I was also gonna be LOST & ALONE


and damn it I would need to also be SOBER

damn it is not like sober now (hell it is the exact same sober) as I didn't stop even with all the tests I stayed, now it is 2,885 days sober


Do I have a story?? no but i bet you might have a bottle (kidding) as I am a bonifide chocoholic (I lie :-) (will be as long as I walk the streets of your world as a drunk is a drunk is a drunk


SOBER but .... Now I am confused also


And that feeling of

LOST


It went away when you [[[THEY]]] gave me back my shit (had to pay another price however) this one was called


HEALTH all of it


a pound of flesh


YOU ALL see this and my sight is now going to and the EYE - DENTIST


so far as I know well we don't know and that is the fear as why am I not being told EVERYTHING about my sight


I am scared as when I started the Mad Hatter Experience I was able



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