April 19, 2022:~ I Have Been Told I May Have A Bit Of This Wisdom ~ A Wee Bit

Hey I get this shit was through suffering, abuse, pain, massive loss I blamed myself for a lot of all of this and I blamed God even as I was a Angry Young Kid when my Dear Father passed away on February 19, 1975. I was 14 years old and it pretty much destroyed my ffucken life and even though there were multiple TRAUMAS before this date and no one could explain any of why me a straight ( * A * ) Student dropped in grades as fast as I did, like what happened ( and with blocking everything out I would suffer in silence and all alone for DECADES... as I was going to be HEAVILY Medicated to Prevent this stuff from becoming known to the Doctors I would be seen --- This was going to get into a really different ( SPACE ) when the first group of Ladies would show up on my file, and into my life on September 4, 2013, as this was the first time I was ALLOWED to open up about so very many, many when my Dad passed away ( so did I as I had ZERO LEFT TO LIVE FOR~~ ZERO

This writing about this is damn hard, DAMN HARD ( I am sorry for all the mistakes I have made in the years after my dad passed and now ), I became a " Very Lost And Confused Kid " and I had NO ONE to lean on for support NO ONE

And within a few days after he passed I was drinking and by that Summer and by the Summer of 1975 I was Smoking Weeds, Hash and It stopped the pain even more and I was dealing within a few months of starting as I needed a way to fund my escape " PROJECT " as I only wanted the I wanted the PAIN TO STOP -- but it never did at all and in fact it cost worse and for a weird reason that

I SWEAR I Had No Counselling none as this was 1975 and Children were supposed to suck up the pain and tie as I could I WAS A FAILURE In 1975 at " Stopping The Pain " and I became a LOST CHILD with more baggage that I even knew I had ever and it would build and build -- I wanted to end my life so many times as living was so damn hard ) I tried so many, many times---- I tried lots ( and God would intervene ) so many,many times and I at the beginning

I was before the drug shit started as no one from the community ever stopped by NO ONE

Then that damn Boyfriend in the Cadillac Elderado Came by and this was the END of The Faciote Family For Good as he

Destroyed EVERYTHING