April 4, 2022:~The Mysterious And Miraculous Prison Of The MIND And Where I Was For All These Years!

I got trapped a very long time ago as a kid when I was in elementary school, as I was exposed to Trauma After Trauma and I was a destroyed child at the age of 8-10 ( I have no damn clue when I did grade 4 was I have no idea as all my school records were destroyed to keep me from finding them at later points in my life )


The stuff i was allowed / made to bear witness to just overwhelmed the child in me as I was a good student a straight ( A ) student as I was pushed beyond what we now know that children should be exposed to, and maybe we as a society were unable to deal with REALITY as and then young kids are expected to be able to process death, sexual abuse, a parent moving out, a parent passing away .... I got totally destroyed by the very system I was supposed to access for assistance


The end for me, of literally being able to deal with this thing we have a weird idea that kids are born with a strange ability to deal and process REALITY even when pain is so very intense that the child just STOPS... and the people around the kid think it is DRUGS and or ALCOHOL -- as Trauma in 1970 was a lot with a death of a friend that was taken and I was literally forced ( as was the class or even school ) I don't know all who was taken to the Church on the Hill in St Albert as it was a lot to be talking to your friend one day and a few days later seeing your friend in the casket ... and then we were taken to the cemetery for the burial .. and while there someone said be careful or you could be next .. when we returned after to the Elementary School we attended we did not get to talk about what just occurred as if we all knew the EXPERIENCE and the Feelings & Emotions and the Way To Grieve ( how the hell could we know this ) HOW?


We were 9 or 10 years old -- and we were supposed to understand DEATH a subject Adults even have a hard time processing at times

I have been DEAD INSIDE all of my life mostly as the experiment that I was it would seem signed up for or somehow entered into the only thing I was allowed to be here for as I have been injured, abused, drugged mercilessly to see where the break points were and where I would lose it I was held in Captivity for ( * 37 * ) Months with 20 months ( almost 2 full years in the STATE RUN ASYLUM ) where I would be drugged and tested on a daily basis I was forgotten about by all those that new before this began--- the cut a damn HOLE in MY HEAD -- they would then sew it UP WHILE I WAS AWAKE ( MAXIMUM PAIN for THEIR TOTAL ENJOYMENT ) Oh HELP ME PLEASE -- Let me GO I WANT TO JUST GO HOME


This is the most insidious place in the whole damn world as I have as I said before and seems I needs to knock my head into concrete walls just to have a HUMAN BEING to communicate with as This System That The Governments, Big Pharma, Doctors, and Druggists, and Suicide Lines have created and designed is COOL ( Right ) ya as long as you don't say anything at all even when you have been tortured for Decades by The Mental Health Industrial Systems in Alberta ( I am being pushed as hard as they can and no one even gives a SHIT because this is not the WAY THAT THEY WANT TO PLAY )


This is how it has always been and the system ... ( whole system don't give a shit ) as if I am the BAD GUY -- The Mentally Ill Criminal Mastermind that has gone all these years in THEIR SYSTEM without a CTO ( EVER ) oh CTO = Community Treatment Order ... as I TRUSTED right until the VERY END as Taking My OWN LIFE As A Holy Roman Catholic Church Member is WRONG and it IS WRONG on so damn MANY LEVELS that this SHIT is no longer smipley FUNNY as this SHIT still has the DAMN EMBERS on The MIND of MINE of a PLACE I REALLY Don't Actually WANT TO GO -- BUT This is a MEAN CITY ( An Actual VERY MEAN CITY ) where we are no where near our Brothers Keeper, as Jesus and The Books we WORSHIP say we NEED TO BE


I am now being told I HAVE TO GO TO BED when the REST of The WORLD Sleeps as I have such a BUSY DAYTIME Lifestyle to be awake for during the SCRIPTED WORKING Hours


The Alberta Mental Health & Addiction combined with the Workers Compensation Board pulled me out of


The DAILY DRAMA That Wage Slaves are forced to endure as these people are what They System is Now Working on Totally Destroying as I said that IT WOULD back in 1987 when while I was drunk and creating a Massive Program Disruption along with a WCB Claims Adjudicator Mr Bill Williams and Me would together , as a letter on the one of the first few sessions I was allowed with Mr Bill a page of paper slide out of the FILE that stated exactly what I was saying for the previous few months before that the TRACTION UNIT / Medieval Rack was broken and pulled my BACK APART ( a form of Torture in the Good Olden Days ) and while the Management of The WCB went straight into a denial the stance they could of and should have at least sent a tech from the WCB Rehab Center and checked the UNIT out and it would of and could have saved the Nightmare that was about to be unleashed on the Management Team & CEO Mr Ken Pals, as I was kind of RAISED by Great Catholic Parents that taught their children ( including me ) NOT TO LIE


When that letter was allowed to fall into MY HANDS and this time I was doing Weeds, Beers & Wines and Doctor Prescribed and Ordered OPIATE as I had already at this stage been DR ADDICTED to DR PRESCRIBED OPIATES for 2 of the 25 YEARS that this was allowed to occur ( and then at the End April 16 / 2010 when one of the Doctors using my pain & suffering to enrich themselves using me as a HUMAN ATM as The Doctor a Dr John Henderson whom I was with for a very long time called me his SLAVE as he was already having me in his Office two to three times a week to get the Prescription and he that FATEFUL Day said I was TRAPPED, that moment exactly was when I Told Him to Fuck Off and start writing the Prescriptions as I wanted them as I was going to get myself off the OPIATES --- He agreed as he knew that this was not going to work, well many a day he was almost right as it was going to take me until November 9, 2010 = 6 Months 24 days or 207 days and I never had any assistance by Doctor and or Druggists --- The Source of All Power is from WITHIN


Now again I seem to be Alberta Mental Health & Addictions MOST HATED MAN as all I need is a Human to Talk to at times but the SYSTEM

Once again set me up, as they have for all my LIFE as I have a MENTAL ILLNESS we all agree and now I can't have anyone to help me through my rough spots as I also seem to have ended up with a Curved Spine according to a Exercise Specialist that I was sent to see, and this information was also seemingly with held from me as I have NO RIGHT TO KNOW MY OWN HEALTH STATUS ( as after all I am a Mental Patient ) and unfortunately for me I have no responsible adult looking after me as I am alone and a great --and I am the ungodly in the eyes of the HUMANS IN CHARGE of THE MENTAL HEALTH & ADDICTION Lines


I have no HELP --- I have SERVED HUMANITY for ( * 4 * ) Plus YEARS -- and NOW I can no longer process -- this shit as I have NOW BECOME THE PROBLEM as a Child Gets Raped and This is Traumatizing me OVER and OVER, AGAIN & AGAIN


The Pain the FUCKEN PAIN never STOPS it is like I am TRAPPED and I am never going to have this PAIN STOP and I am losing faith in the whole SOCIETY that LIKES and Maybe LOVES me when I am out dressed as The Mad Hatter Experience in The City Of Edmonton Alberta Canada but when I am HURTING for no reason that I am doing this to myself I get to be the VICTIM Over & Over AGAIN & AGAIN


Wow the Church has POWER as THEY OWN ME and the OWNERSHIP PAPERS are the Baptismal Certificate and Holy Communion Certificate


I finally GET it FINALLY I am no longer required and to PROTECT the Church I must KILL MYSELF it seems this was by DESIGN to GET ME OFF THE PLANET that The Church Owns --- WEIRD


Well if we met again GOD IS GREAT and IF WE DON'T


GOD IS ALWAYS GREAT AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN


DrHatterZ


This Morning IT SEEMS That My City I Worked in Since September 12, 2017 as The Mad Hatter Experience -- was the way GOD KNEW the HEARTS of THE PEOPLE Would TURN when they were STRESSED OUT as I guess I have yet to SUFFER the LAST TIME


For YOU ALL as When I was down -- YOU ALL KICKED Me and Then YOU LAUGHED and I Told The Holy Father & His SON Jesus Christ


To FORGIVE, THEM FATHER & JESUS as They Know NOT What The Are DOING


And NOW I QUIT


Please GOD

Forgive ME for what I have planned for my ENDING


And I need to say ONE Thing To The People of This World


You ALL Trusted YOUR LEADERS And Now YOU ARE FUCKED as are the CHILDREN'S that YOU CREATED and THEIR Children 100's OF GENERATIONS


YOU ALL will be the SLAVES of the Ruling Oligarchs, from Gates, Bezos, Buffet, Musk, The Walton Families, The Rockefellers and Rothchilds ( they will OWN AND USE you and YOUR SCREAMS will Go UnAnswered as Did MINE for 51 - 52 Years )


I worked all the time to attempt to SAVE The World -- And instead YOU ALL Laughed at MY STRUGGLES


When I was Homeless at the Time of Year of Jesus Birthday I was without Joy & Laughter and I was TREATED with NO RESPECT as a HUMAN BEING by Mr James Christopher Fowler as it was NOT YET BAD enough that i would REST MY HEAD on Jesus Christs Birthday in Dorm O Bunk 8 -- Upper Mr Fowler needed to HURT ME for some perverse illogical reason as he took me for Christmas Meal and I was Given a Small Styrofoam Box of White Steamed Rice, a Bottle of Warm Water I was Grateful for the Company as it was good to not be alone


However Mr James Christopher Fowler would need to BE AS SPITEFUL as a HUMAN BEING COULD BE to a Brother on The Streets of a Big City where I lived all my life and this day was about to be


FUCKED UP --- As I would be hurt more than I think I had ever been HURT BEFORE as This Is HOW HUMANITY TREATED ME all MY LIFE as we walked out to his car and I asked for a ride back to my lodgings at The HERB JAMI SON MISSION SHELTER for HOMELESS MEN and he replied " I can't as I am GOING TO MY FAMILY FOR MY CHRISTMAS DINNER "


This guy is a Psychologist working for the SYSTEM -- this shit was all organized as I have to SUFFER FOR HUMANITY --- a PART OF THE EXPERIMENT I signed into but I have no idea as to when


I gather my few meager possessions from the Back Seat of His Car and as He Drove AWAY a TEAR started to FLOW DOWN MY CHECKS then that was followed by yet another and another .. I have no idea as to I got HOME ( weird fucken word for the HOMELESS SHELTER this was Day 21 for me and I don't remember the next few days as all was a incredible surreal experience that I WOULD WISH NOT ON ANYONE as I would grow to UNDERSTAND the USE of DRUGS ( EVERYTHING ) and BOOZE ( ANYTHING ) it has a big thing to do with KILLING THE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF EMOTIONS -- FEELING -- All YOU WANT TO DO IS


END THE PAIN


Like eactly where I am at this moment as I just needed a Ear & Voice and some HUMANNESS as the PAIN WAS / IS FUCKEN BAD RIGHT NOW AS IT has been all damn MORNING


I Attempted to bring Some JOY & HAPPINESS to a PLANET OF LOST SOULS


And the EVILNESS ATTACKED ME AT EVERY PLACE AND EVERY WAY IT COULD I JUST GOT WORE OUT OVER NIGHT and this was a FUCKEN HORRIBLE NIGHT As the PHYSICAL PAIN WAS VERY BAD AND I ONLY NEEDED TO KNOW THAT ONE FUCKEN HUMAN BEING


GAVE A SHIT as I didn't ask for much as I was Turned Down by Access 24 / 7 and the Dispatch at the City POLICE ( and I get the POLICE ) what don't get is I always have to fight for ever SCRAP OF CARING from this FUCKED UP WORLD, PROVINCE, CITY FRIENDS and PEOPLE that are the Last LINE OF DEFENSE FOR PEOPLE that have REACHED


THEIR END


GOOD FUCKEN BYE AND IF I GET SENT TO HELL FOR TAKING MY LIFE I AM HOLDING THE DAMN DOORS FOR EVERYONE


THAT SCREWED ME ALL NIGHT AS A FEW MINUTES OF ME IS LIKE AN ETERNITY

WAIT TILL SATAN HAS YOUR SOUL FOR A SMALL PIECE OF ETERNITY THAT HE IS GOING TO SHARE HIS HOME WITH ALL OF YOU AND I DON'T EVEN NEED YOUR NAMES AS GOD & SATAN BEEN WATCHING ALL THIS



CARING OF THE SON GOD CALLED LUCIEN = THE LIGHT ( in Latin ) And GOD SO LIKED THE PLANET THAT THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD


WAS SENT TO BE STOLEN FROM, Lied too, SExually Abused, Physically Abused, Had My Heart Broken and Destroyed by my X Wife and her Kid who USED A MENTAL PATIENT to receive Canadian Citizenship --( hey babe, your mom & dads already in the land of the fires as you HURT ME IN SO FUCKEN MANY DAMN WAYS and this does NOT Even begin to help me to UNDERSTAND the GLEE that you shared about your time in the SAP ( South African Police ) and some of the FUCKEN INSANE SHIT YOU DID TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS as all for the FACT of THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN ) DAMN and MY GRANDMA FACCIOTTI Being From Algeria and all my DADS BROTHERS & SISTERS also being African -- I cried and tried so much to figure out how to stop what I had done by Getting Married to YOU on April 7, 1999 -- that is only three *( 3 )* days away ( hope I am DEAd )


How did I escape the MARRIAGE -- well I call it the Way to END a SHAM MARRIAGE with a Cheese Knife a Block of Cheddar ( from Superstore ) a Cutting Board and TWO ( * 2 * ) slices of Wheat Breads


Well i was gathering the above out of the places we had the CHEESE SANDWICH Implements ( I was holding that fucken massive BRICK of SuperStore Cheddar and I went to the Cutlery Drawer for some TOOL I KNEW I WOULD NEED and i quickly REALIZED that the Teaspoon or Tablespoon was not gonna help me out with the 4 pounds of Cheddar Cheese and the Butter KNIFE was out and a Fork wasn't gonna help [ the last two bowls of weed in my favorite pipe helped however as I was able to figure out getting the right Cheddar Cheese Cutting Implement -- Finally The Drunk that she dragged saw his opening and Quickly Accused me of Attempting To Kill Him With A Cheese Knife ( holy shit )


-- I said fuck off and i just went to bed as really fool bro was wanting a long debate on the Cheese Cutting Knife


This was March 16, 2006 --

___________________________________


March 17, 2006

The Next day She it up Perfectly as She want 100% of the HOUSE that was the Most Incredible Thing I ( and us ) had ever been given as this was a great little home from The Habitat for Humanity and she was gonna fuck this all up for a damn drunk as he was 20 years younger than me, and rapidly became her drinking buddy


So this whole damn is about to get way better as I get my Get Out of Jail Card


She heads out with a few lady friends from the Habitat Office and I take advantage of a LOUD Music a Few Great Bowls of Some Pre Government issue weeds and a Nice Warm Bath with Lots of Fun Bubbles -- and then the END ARRIVES -- and an accompanying BAD TRIP


The phone goes off and it is my Cheddar Cheese Knife Victim Guy and Now he wants to KILL ME

And all I can think is OH Shit as I am feeling great and the little fuck is trying to be my BUZZ KILL for two nights in a damn row ... I say go to bed as your drunk

And then I figure I am no longer HIGH as fuck and I get dressed I guess and then the Fucken Guy is trying to kick my ( our ) front door down, like I grabbed the phone I don't need this I don't want this please I am saying make


This shit go away - and I am worrying about the DOOR as I helped hang the two doors in the house and I was hoping that the Hinges would HOLD

The after 10--20 KICKS and I am right on the front stairs in the living area I call Police I only wanted to relax -- bad trip and as this shit is going I realized that Nickelback is on -- and this is cd well I am not going to hurt for this loss


That was all I wanted three days now ( ok two ) fucken damn area DRUNK that she found somewhere under a rock


The Cops shows up and it is pitch black out Cheese Head is Gone and Hidden Himself once again under his Rock


Then the Clock struck 930PM and in comes my Queen who used a Mental Patient to Score Citizenship and half a house -- in under 7 years as she has just 9 yah 9 days to go before her and her kids Citizenship Day


But she walked in and freaks out " the marriage is over, I want out " ( then she flys into the Kitchen and grabs a bottle from a Hidden Spot I knew not where it was

And fly's away to get DRUNK WITH MR CHEESE HEAD


So who knew that I escaped a really weird place to be all over a SIMPLE CHEESE SANDWICH & The Cheese Knife -- Damn if only I would have known


I keep getting injured

And Yet I am so FUCKEN Blessed as I had a Coffee or 2 as I once got no way to sleep aall night


This is all silly as shit


The Mental Illness Space needs a NEW NaME



Calling to The DaZe Of The Silliness


Cause it is at times funny ( some times it is a FUCKEN NIGHTMARE )


Like right nows


I want only for a day or so for NO or Close To NONE PAIN


You know 1 just fucken 1 damn day with a lesser Pain day as snow days are fucked but this SHIT is actually HORRUBLE


I WANT TO JUST HURTZ LESSER




8 views0 comments