Aug 18 ~ IAM Back Who Knew I Have No Clue At All

I was gone for 51 years and now " I have began coming back to life " you know at the time when I was dead it was 1969 / 70's I froze inside and shut down totally as I entered the mental health system ( in grade 5/6 ) --went a few times and the school system the entirely found out I was seeing a physiatrist, and they started the destruction of me and as a result of someone saying ( announced ) to the kids he was RAPED when it occurred I was a straight A student from Grades 1-4 and then I went totally dead in my mind, heart, soul and I gave up my life to get what I had before my Daddy as after the RAPE I wasn't capable of " buying a Vowel " ( Thanks Vana ) A


I getting a ( D ) was about as much as I was going to get now as I was just dead in my brain, mind, heart and soul


We did a play in that grade 6 and I had but one line " Unaware the clothing you wear under your pants " now I have Hidden PTSD " as it wouldn't be discovered until 1980 and I would be put on medication in 1983 as this was seriously screwed up the medicine that I was put on was mental medicine and I was done as from there I was still attempting to stay in my little sisters good book but as she was finishing up her high school and I was so very proud of her and the record collection was taken from our apt / home ( a one bedroom and she had the bedroom ) I one day after my music vanished


I was at the WCB Rehab center and the next day I told the physiotherapist what occurred as I not only hit someone ya not supposed to hurt anyone this was my own sister and I made ... a promise to my daddy that I would protect her if something happened to him he died on her birthday in 1975 she was 12 years old and I was 14 ( for 15 days ) so maybe 13 if you think about it


So I was sent to Psycatristict that day and the doctor after 2 minutes said I now had to go to the EVENING HOSPITAL for the duration of the Evening Hospital 4 months. 4pm to 10pm and then I was made to go back to work in a light work capacity or I would lose my JOB and that was paying to LIFE EXPENSES -- so I am off to The Eberhart Hospital where I would exposed to actual IRON LUGS then on day one I am sent up to another floor where I was fed really well in the Cafe they had


Yah they had a little trick I was not ready for -- MENTAL MEDCATION today I am very tired as then again I has been up for all night long

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