Day 18 Of The Slave Contract & A Double Bonus Of More Freedoms

My life has been changing rapidly in every way possible. Today was a tough mentally day along with last night I have to in the last weeks let go of some people that were harmful to my health / life and very survival

Angels once again appeared all around me as I went through these really difficult days however one of the nurses around my file commented last night that she had never heard me say "I am relaxed tonight," in months as I was last night

I owe that to all of the Angels (yah you) surrounding me, my blog, the live experience and me in general

Today was fun, challenging, filled with loss, gain (lots of) -- remember a young couple said to me today "we have never met a schitzophrinic until now" this is why the stigma exsists as we as a population base make up 1% of the general population base

so where do we hide?

I hide for most of my life would be a fact that I needed a wall of defense (booze) to hide behind for 38 years

This is a PLEA for all you younger people with this horrible illness listen to your ""health care management team" as they know more about this shit than we ever will imagine

My regrets are I didn't get clean and sober sooner and as for the "SLAVERY CONTRACT" it is just common sense we basically need a structure as most "HUMANS" have a routine it is maybe just me that is a mess (way to many drinks, and key'lo's of weeds)

the pain has been (from a 4cm x 4cm x 1.8cm hole) has been finally brought into a better manageable state thanks to my "Health Care Management Teams" (they even included me on the Team now) you have no idea as to the place I am in mentally / and physically right at this second but I am lucky to be alive this was a nasty wound and I had "plastic surgery on my ass" (I kid you not)

Then we were faced with pretty much growing meat on a bone (tail bone) this one was tough as we had, both a Complex Medical (wound) and a Complex Mental (schiztiophrenia) pain levels constanstly from 2-9 -- I didn't self medicate (this is where I don't get it) I couldn't sit down for months on end

God I LOVE YOU ALL for all the kindnesses you showed this big buffoon in a big green hat

YOU know how Lucky I Am? 10 years ago we didn't know all we know now about wound technology (and it is a science / technology) as some of the stuff I was shown and had used to "save my life with" is // was incredible

You know you can believe in God (doesn't matter on faith) but when the pain is level 9 for days / weeks on end - it is / was almost like a test - God always wins -- and suffering is real and there was no way out

Tonight I am savoring the upcoming TUB bath to Celebrate a win --- I lost weight -- I lost a lot of things and the most painful losses were the people that bailed -- I at one point was accused of causing the pain -- so be it I owe my TEAM(s) MY LIFE & GOD & YOU


DISHES Are waiting as the Slave Contract must be followed


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