Day 20 Of Treatment

DAY 20 OF TREATMENT OF THE MAD HATTER or Lucien

Beware of Cluster B

Well if Rome wasn’t burned in a day my insanity sure as hell wasn’t either but it is seemingly getting worse as I slide into an abyss of the blackness that surrounds my heart and soul (there is no escape and no way out)

I had a treatment team when I entered the Casket (Form 1) – it all blew apart every damn thing every support everything everybody

I made a mistake, I treated others bad, a bad mistake as the pain was bad and it came out everywhere (everywhere)

I wish I could die now—it will be so very peaceful

But people say I will hurt many people if I hurt me and I hurt people that were attempting to heal my wound, I just am so damn sorry

I feel so stuck – Torn apart right down the center

I can’t go (to many people get hurt)

And to stay I hurt --- and it is physical and emotional –the wound hurts –I don’t get how I walk outside and feel free –yet inside a single step is labored

Tonight, I sit here sad and I see that I can not be redeemed (THIS TIME) as I am doing this again and again ---

My Teams are beyond repair, I am just going – I must stop this as I am it feels losing my damn mind

The sofa feels different – need a smoke, its been 11 years 10 months – this is not a good idea a joint well its been since March 18, 2006 less 2 grams in 2018 when I had a weird spike in ck Levels ( I didn’t even smoke all the time so far of the wound, nor have I had a drink since February 15, 2013 –Thanks to EPS and GOD) – I Cant do anything

Going for a walk screw this

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