December 31, 2021:~ F*CK ~: The End Of A Long Trip Thru 2021

Today looking back at this year and I have somewhere misplaced my physical health and I now know the losses of Mental & Physical as I now have experience with both, and while the mind is a terrible thing to lose, so is the body.

I gained an incredible respect for the parts of the human that are finally becoming very F'n real to me, and as I look around my place I see bottles and bottles of empty pharmaceuticals and I wonder the point sometimes as the first thing now when I awaken at 4-5 AM is to make my way to " The Collection Of Pills " and take 4 suboxone and a 2 hit of whatever I think can bring the PAIN down from a 8-9 ( out of 1--10 ) to something I can once again manage and some days this is a real challenge --- then the coffee, a pleasure I still get and that I am very damn grateful for as now I am thinking shit I have to walk ( or have someone walk 3 blocks each way to and from the Italian Center Shop to get a bag for me, I feel sick when I attempt to remember what the store looks like, from the deli, to the oils and vinegar's to the cheeses and the produce -- shit I didn't get there 1 x in December

Okay people I need a ride, as I am going to need a box of caffeine ( the money is not a issue its the walking ) shit ---- where as The Mad Hatter Experience here in Edmonton I was walking 10 plus KM a day and now 6 damn blocks I need a ride like wow the body breaks it does a great job -- I was only able to do get past 4km only 2 x in all of December -- DAMN IT

OK

The damn medications are not as effective as they were a few months ago or the pain is getting worse,