For The Pain Clinic Assessment Program a week or so ago and I have a waited a long time for the First Assessment and It Hurts Like A Damn Nail Being Driven into every part of my lower body from the Hips and the down the legs Left is worse, and into my feet and I get a spike every time I take a step, in the house its way way harder as I think that "my" God is happy when I am outside and working on the tasks he assigns me "Make Happy People" I try so hard I really do but lately
I am really getting beat up as this pain, plus then The PTSD I am totally a mess really on somedays and somedays I want to jump out of my skin and scream to stop this madness that has become frequent as I have some great days that I wouldn't trade for anything like when I am so very Blessed to walk with a Pretty Girl for a few blocks
It is like a clawing at my brain as this is a damn weird feeling and it is new as of about 18 plus months ago but I am thankful as I see actual colors and some of them are damn as I have not seen colors (TRUE COLORS) for 39-40 Years and to have a chance to finally see a (TRUE SUNSET or SUNRISE) is actually worth some of the suffering I seem to have to endure -- The Oranges as the Sun moves about is not really describable as you when your mind / brain has been on MIND ALTERING CHEMICALS for a very long, long period of your life like mind was and I have no idea as to all that I was subjected to in order to get to the place I am now you see, I have finally surrendered to time, and God and of course Girls (yup) as they came all invent a day for me and I will attempt to please as I AM only here for a very, very little period of time and enough has been wasted screwing around with 39-40 years of Mental Medicine (M&M)'s and 25 plus years of Opiates that I was somehow able to get clean of from November 9, 2010 to January 4, 2019 I was clean between those dates (isn't clean now) but this is a effort I was hoping to one day start to GET CLEAN AGAIN as it to is a better way to live and I wish that New Year's Eve cutting of a HEART SHAPED HOLE in my Coccyx / Tailbone never occurred as it not only screwed that night up it got me hooked again and lead to a Hospitalization for 47 long and seriously fucked up days where I was shown 12 dead human beings bodies in one shape or another I also wore a WOUND VAC around my body sucking that dame HEART SHAPED HOLE (Good Deal Huh?) Not and that was from the day I checked in on March 11, 2019 (also that day a flock [ok I have no idea what they are called] flock sound ok, but it was like a class of student nurses all very pretty girls ok this was damn horrible and God was screwing me up in The Misercordia Hospital (A Catholic Hopsital) it was terrifing as when I would go to pray it was down in the basement and it was seriuously creeped out after 9pm (who sleeps right)
The decided on April 10, 2019 without even talking to me (who talks to damn MENTAL PATIENTS) That I was to be CUT OPEN the next morning LIKE WTF I was like just getting my dinner, and this lady whose father supposedly was in the hospital with OLD AGE ISSUES no hearing, no seeing, and I don't remember a single word do they remove our tounges when we reach a certain age? Her name was Mona that night with little idea of where I was as I never told her where I was PARKED arrives and this lady is very pretty and she wants to program into my ipod (something) her address / email finally we load it into Gmail and then as she is doing this I am being fed like it is MY LAST MEAL (hey no thinking like this) it was Fish and the 100th day of the Year that had been basically devoted to the HEART SHAPED HOLE that was purposely CUT INTO MY BACK SIDE, and on Day 101 (Computer Code) yes / no?
I am about to have surgery called FLAP SURGERY (look it up)
the girl Mona cleans my AREA makes my BED and I never see her again