I need to figure "ME" out

I don't know me anymore, and am scared of how I feel -- it is fear of me:


What do I need?

was just asked of me:



A nurse that I knew (A) said I need Love?

but this is like attempting to explain the color red to someone who has never seen at all


What would it look like? [V]

What would it sound like? [A]

What would it feel like? [K]


the three primary representational systems we ,as humans use


What would it take to obtain this state of LOve?

What would it cost?

Am I willing to pay the price?


ComplIcated and she is going to also be very Complicated, Very


And how do I work on getting "ME" together before (well I am scared) of the "shadow in the mirror"


And who, what, when will be my guides


Met this young lady in the last 6 months (M) who is on a stabilization program, prettier than crazy -- and nuts too, and one of the reasons I am here now and


NOT in a bar numbing this screwed up mind, and now body

'You see I was doing FINE oh OKAY well until the BODY Disintegration Program started on October 15, 2018, started to bite chunk after chunk of my PHYSICAL BODY away


I hid it from pretty MUCH from everyone around me, but for a few close and well trusted friends and my incredible TEAM of Health Care Professionals


Then it slowly became obvious that I wasn't coming out of this one any time soon (think) it was around April 22, 2019 I made a second Covenant with God a few days after my major surgery to pretty much save my screwed up life


Now since this last month or so -- the Physical, became worse.. and now I wonder and times out loud, that I quit


Only to be reminded that I have friends, and I DO NOT have the Right to do crazy shit-- just want the pain to end, as this has been going on now for a very long time

You all have been so kind to me in the last few years of the craziet stuff ever done

its 930pm been a very long day -- rest would be nice if the Gods grant me


I sit here now alone (a choice) maybe as I decided my sobriety had value but I ever realized the cost, I talked yeatersay to a lady from AA who attempted to sell me the AA "life-style"


what did a drunk (and I was when the Two EPS Officers entered my house // apt on February 15, 2013 at 930am) and used a weapon on me that was never used on me, KINDNESS and that day in history was


THE DAY THAT CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE


I got sober, me a Facciotti got SOBER

check the calendar people its December 18, 2019 some This is 6 years and 10 months plus a few days, and I am sad as I never adapted the AA life-style as I was always a trail blazer and did shit outside the group mentality (GREEN HAT) like


now should I have adapted a Group Mentality (I AM Not Group Material)) but my


Programion that was created in the Very Bowels Of Hell would seem to work

I am sober and clean just past 12 years of Nicotiene (this includes not switching to a Vap) with no rehab no counseling (a junkie likely -- or was designated to fail)


Hey Joe, thank you SIR thank you for the save of my soul -- God Bless



Next year 20 / 20 *the program* I used will be rolled out as my personal withdrawal numbers are impressive


And I will save a few addicts that sign up for the ride of (their lives)


A Good Great Friend if ===(Sam) you see this I remember your wisdom when you said "If you save 1 addict with the time you are given" then your life will be successful" now am going to make this the Mission Statement of MHE and Sam I am going to make you proud and to make your incredible "investment" in me worthwhile ]Thanks for the time to think about my life in exile and what lesssons I was allowed to learn, study and create change plans

also my friend that book by Napoleon Hill was a major inspiration

FOREVER ALL OF YOURS LUCIEN aka - The Light / keylo

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