Late today *this afternoon* it hit me and hit hard, I was a drag as the HOLE had begun advancement on my SOUL - then when I cried and decided I needed to find away out or I was dead it came to me

The Battle may have been forfeited at the early stages BUT the WAR is only about to get going

I don’t want to die, but I want to feel nothing when I am alive I got this idea that in just now ….

Then IT hit me ---- WHO the hell do I think I am I DO NOT get it both ways we as HUMANS feel -- BUT 38 years of drinking really screws up this -process coming out andbYOU see it was not the 12 month anniversariy of the wound I was scared of it was the 80 month anni of NOT drinking that scared me (BIG TIME) as I didn't feel shit for 38 years NOW I FEEL PAIN -- and now I feel all the time

There is more -- but it is going to take years of therapy to fgure out


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