July 11, 2022:~ You Killed Me? But WHY? Was I That Much Of A Threat To You All?

You see Grade School started off with a BREEZE as it was Straight ( A's ) From Grades 1-4 almost through 5 and I was the Genius and was supposed to pull it off

Then it the RAPE ( and I just remember a secondary event ) I went to a Birthday Party at a neighborhood kid Brian J Telford and we were screwing around and they were gonna tie me up and I was right freaked out I made it to the front yard as there was a small part of Grass Cutaway ( then I rolled over and ( it / something ) cut the crap out out of my left shin i think it was needing 11-12 stitches and it was pouring blood out ( damn party crasher ) but it was weird as no one supposedly could figure out what CUT Me Up like this -- who now as this stuff is strange

Was that the day I died or was it the day I was awaken to see that this school shit was an amazing hoax as I was getting turned on to Shoes / As a Teacher I had a Ms K would always wear spikes and it would drive me nuts and then i had to contend with my mom's shoe collections as they went out on the weekends ( mom and dad ) and babysitter time was kind of interesting

ling

Today I have finally decided to KILL MYSELF ( just 229am ) got shut out of Access 24 / 7 due to the contract that Mohammed created so tonight IS MY DAY after I gather up my supplies, it ( MY LIFE IS HOWEVER OVER THOUGH AS THIS CITY HAS KILLED ME )

it is 232am and I am just done as I worked fucken and now they want me dead -- " Lucien you have had you call for this period please call the appropriate service " some guy you see my suffering is mine and I am done-- it is over this is no longer going on like this anymore as if I call anyone else I lose and go to that FREDFLINTSTONE BED with a 1000WATT Bulb over my eyes to fuck up my vision even more like what the fuck

I am just done

later today I get a bunch of weeds a nice bottle of wine and I wander away ( forever ) as I owe Edmonton ZERO they created me with 40 years of any pill the drug rep wanted me on (hey who was the drug rep ?) and what was he pushing as this is all a financial game and at this stage I am fucken done as I walked pretty close to every day and made more then 10 people a day smile -- and I can no longer deal with the mental / physical pain -- NOPE

YOU ALL FINALLY WIN AND I ALSO WIN AS i AM GOING HOME

Then I remember a massive blood letting at yet another Catholic Hospital on and Around March 21/ 22 --2011 when I was reeled in by the police after just moving into Sam's Building on March 1, 2011, they used these massive test tubes with BALLS on the end as this is weird

And a third as when I was in that Prison Camp / Group Home between August 2015 and June 2016 the Commandment Florence the Sadist would take me for 3-5 tubes of blood ( ordered by tackler every week and I was never allowed to keep nor copy the blood work paper and then

a Forth at October 15, / 16 -- 2018 when the bedsore was discovered by Dr Bailey Redfern who did the finger fuck test and she had it fucken deep inside on the first push and she " now squeeze " and then she did it again an along with with the words " Now Squeeze"

Everyone owns me ... and they drink blood and need lots of it and they have many, many like me as the drink from ---

And this is why I am not being allowed to QUIT as I am almost clean as i hardly do any wrong shit to my body anymore and this is why the systems above are needed

Oh what have I fallen into a major system that has remained hidden for " how long ??" centuries a feeding system that the rich actually eat the poor

What side are we on

Where I am left to go as Jessica ( at access 24 / 7 ) called me " Intelligent " tonight and shit like this has never happened before as we fight as this is where I am trying but now I have surrendered to the world and I just want a place that I can work on the book people around me wish me to write ( this region is great this direct area is HARD ) as today I was almost home and then right at the damn back door --- Bang just like that I find 2 addicts bang and one is this tiny fragile little girl that I have been attempting with my limited skill set ( but better that no one with a massive skill set as the people in this area are pretty much gone and left for dead and this is why I want to really get out as this shit is 24 / 7 in my mind / head

Like I was almost / pretty much having a decent day until the back door then I crashed and she is a good person and it is way beyond my skill level as what is crack and how does it in operate on the mind / brain and how long is the high and how are the come downs

Then again I just get a email from Audible * daily deal * todays is $ 6.95 but it is on a Royal Family that I bet you 1 in 10 people have yet to hear the name of

The Habsburgs -- To Rule the World

You should see some of the Palaces like damn this is like way to much money like Bezos and Musk and others like shit anything is possible as it was like all I want is nothing and some people have everything but you can never take it back with you

You know I do NOT want to break GODS rules that I should not kill myself but man this pain is something I would never with on everyone ever as it is damn horrible and I mean this as right now I even have pain into my hands and fingers and it is never like I have a period of pain free time ( I DO NOT ) that never occurs for me much any more

I just don't understand the PAIN anymore and I have about another 90 days to wait for "Maybe" a look at it via a chronic pain clinic this is 3 months and it it likely another hard core 3 months and the worst part is at night and being fucken alone

The Coping is so fucken hard as I have never hurt anyone and I keep dreaming if I help another person GOD might give me a break of a day or two or forever " man isn't that a damn dream " forever at 61 yrs old and no pain

I do not think I am ever going to ever see that kind of break forever ---

GOD --- How can I attempt to explain the HAT and walking REMOVING the pain while I

MAKE HAPPY PEOPLE

and then when I get to come home the pain reappears ( like how the hell does this happen and often / daily ) while I can no longer reach the point of being alone

But I need to talk to someone as the loneliness kicks in and then I go crazy all over again and again as this is

My right ELBOW really aches now to go along with the left which had the brunt of the fall when I went down at the Firehall as I smacked the concrete really real

GOOD NIGHT FOR NOW