June 18, 2021 ~ Bad Day I Might Look Happy When You Saw Me Today ~ However Inside Was Not Great`

Lost someone dear to me today and I have been a mess for the good part of the day and I am now going to step out from where I have been hiding all day ~ However it is later evening and I have no energy left ~ Never had much today ~ So My Day Was Shit but I am alive and very, very grateful tonight, this is a piece I created today while I sat in a state I don't like I have to find something in the day, like a smile from anyone ( I didn't get it today as I didn't move, I was able to make Brenda the lady from Amazon laugh a few times while she worked to fix a issue I have been having with the last part of the chain and she fixed it for me, this is why I spend my little money I have at Mr Jeff Bezos store

Now I need to dig into my head and see what I can find as tomorrow will be better as I am not quitting now I am depressed however and I mean depressed big time as the last 24 hours have been a damn horror show in my space


Well I am sad and disillusioned today with the SYSTEM and people as we all have grown apart thanks to the LOCK DOWNS and ISOLATION'S, that came as a result of the COVID 19 event that we still find ourselves in and in a few days the RULES in my Province come down to more relaxed and I hope that this is a smart thing to do

I just know that I would really like to get back to the GYM which I got shut out of when I got the HOLE in my body in 2018 as I had to get well as I could and it still took a very long time as when the PLAGUE hit, I was still very sick as the HOLE was really brutal as I needed surgery to mend the damn thing as it couldn't / wouldn't heal

Tomorrow ( Saturday ) I am hopefully going to get out for a bit as I feel strange tonight as grief is a weird emotion to deal with ( alone ) and the fact that I can't yet get a therapist has me angry as they ( SYSTEM ) took my life and I have lots to sort out that occurred and I can't seem to sort it out YET myself as this shit is damn depressing for saving lives I had to give up mine


Payback is a bitch and the SYSTEM owns us from cradle to grave and I don't see a way out for anyone as even the doctors are controlled like puppies and sheep as when the MASTER say ( whatever they comply ) as they are in the same place as the person at the burger joint all of us are trapped by the illusion of money as it is why we study hard, read the books we read ( unless you have time to read for fun ) so here we are and .....


This is where it all begins ( I need to get back to the gym ) ASAP but I am terrified of getting "unwell" but I am now fat as ISOLATION got me as I had a doctor and I actually trusted her and she had me tested 9 x and ISOLATED 9 ( and I also had to forfeit my Christmas 2020 to a COVID Unit at a Major Hospital where I was in ISOLATION alone and no signs of it the COVID as I had that damn STICK - STUCK into my BRAIN 3 x in 6 days ( I got results 2 weeks after I got home on the tests and they were all negative ) this was and is an abuse of POWER by the PEOPLE I trusted with my health as she took not only from me but also from my COMMUNITY as I have a very unique ability to make people happy and "my people" could of likely used this on the Christmas that Wasn't for so many as there has been so much FUD this last year plus and I have now lost the ability to even trust my own Doctor ( and this one is new ) in fact I don't trust shit no more as I see a very cold world and unless the Collective US gets OUR shit together well Mankind IS Not going to last much longer as a species well except for the Multi Billionaires that have built places so far under the earth they can last 50 plus years


Well I am running for a well I don't know ... anymore

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