You need a consultant not a friend, you hurt your friends with your out of control attitude and fear.
Once upon a time I still could return to the "bottle" no matter how bad I had bee that day, tonight even she mocks me and I am so alone -- and frightened
I am not a real grown up like you -- the pain has caused so much havoc the booze the rest
the relationship I had with the Bottle was incredible as she "was there" (no I wasn't)and this is hard (80 months 18 days sober) fuck --and I still cant grow up after 38 years of being a drunk and I never will
I am needing a friend right now