Not Even The Experts / Doctor's Get It -- The Loneliness Is Absolute

Had a very good day at the school, where I stop for my coffee, and library books, and cds (okay that actually dates me) (both incredible gifts) as no one owes me, and these are massive blessings


The Young Adults, The Teachers, and Staff are so very kind, and it has become somewhat of a shrine as I enter


But my TEAM as they attempt to "Make Me Feel Normal" (that is good) as I am TRAPPED in HELL


And they attempt to feel my struggle in a Mad Hatter's Hat that is trapped in the worlds worst mental illness ever conceived up that being (SCHIZOPHRENIA) who invented this and ----


Now the doctor thinks the medications might be "WRONG" (guess what you can't just pull injection meds out and try again rapidly without actually "killing me" (which is what I want to do) you need to let them run their cycle) 2 more weeks of this hell (oh f*cK) why me who did i hurt


Today I get invited to a comic expo, a club and a party and I had to pass for now a this medication issue is to big a issue as even my walking (I walked from Sunday till Friday @4pm = 52.78 miles = 85 km) OK I see how"THEY" (my ownership group) could see this as a issue as what human walks 14+ km a day ???-- I have a limit of 5 miles on me now (sorry)


I have like 3-8 sessions a day and my free time is getting hard to find (and yet I am lonly) as I live alone [a very small population base of the small population group of Schizophrenics 1% of the General Population] can even do this and when I went down in flames with the HOLY HOLE WOUND from Hell that attempted in and of itslef attempted to kill me off (the house went to sh*t) as i barly had energy to eat (and that still hasn't returned) as I also and yes there would be more as the SYSTEM (Social Services, Addictions and Mental Health) till the wound hit and people started asking a lot of pointed questions as to how and why I was getting messed out of basic services like having my teeth taking care of)


and why I never had group therapy, rehab and simple things kind of like dentures redone I was like a ball falling in a hole


just wanted to not hurt -- and to be a "NORMAL -- SCHIZOPHRENIC

YA ME NORMAL HA

AND I NO LONGER LIKE be alone -- this is different since I stopped my drinking (miss her sometimes )


Sober = 6 years, 7 months, 5 days --- I OWE THE CITY OF EDMONTON PEOPLE, THE PEOPLE OF ALBERTA - AND GREAT LAND OF CANADA


I WOULD have been dead without this ---------> DEAD <----- without a doubt


I OWE YOU ALL-- that is why I have to "serve mankind/humanity as i do on 111Ave


Thank YOU ALL for allowing me to serve YOU ALL --You are amazing


HUG A FISH :-)

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