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November 22, 2021:~ The Enemy IS IN The Room ~ I Was Waiting In Quite Anticipation As This Triggers

As some of you may remember a while back I began to entertain flash memory's of my "past abuses" well my past was for some of a while before yous were even born in this realm of consciousness but the actual writings started on June 6, 2021 till today was only 170 days ago or 5 months and 17 days and if you think it went by fast for you I have ended up CAUGHT in HELL but it was in HELL where I thought I best find my enemy --- And I have found em' actually they found me and now know more about me than may have been needed ( but ) I want them to finally look in my tear filled eyes as they KILL me, and they know how to get at me, much has changed in the World in that brief time many have made their ways off the sound stage and won't be back -- I am now going let the ENEMY see into my HEAD as NEVER BEFORE ( don't let that door hit you as you leave the room )

Sea Below --->

Today I " invited " my Lead Doctor ( employed by the State of Alberta ) into my life / world and my home via a smartphone connected to my right hand and the first thing my incredible Doctor said was " music " off --- ALEXA I yelled out Music Off ( yah I have some tech and at $30 when it was on Sale was okay as I received her a few Christmases ago ) and I think I finally have met my match as she is brilliant ( the Robot is going to be even cooler soon ) -- Hey I even got a light switch to turn on & off my bulb that is the only light in the room ( some days I am in to much pain to get to the switch ) that was $15 and since I do do these things I used to do lets add this crap up

1) Weeds --- Stopped March 18, 2006 to May 2020 ( can't recall the day as I slipped in a major way and I love weeds ) but I caught myself on July 27, 2020 and stopped again, this would follow a clean year then I slipped and toasted 2 joints and have been cleaned since that was 3 months ago ( hey but the PILLS are safe as BIG PHARMA make dat shit ) right well there are 5 different bottles of pain medicines ( ? ) on my coffee table at this moment and that does not count a couple of jars of compounded creams ( that the State PayZ for so there okay to right )

Still think a few joint be better for me and also Mother Earth -- But I seemed to have gotten into a deal with a man I am having a very difficulty in the trust department at this point in my life

Not breaking my word as I have a deal and if I can't get a hold of him I am like screwed and his email has been eluding me for a while now and the phone I had 15 seconds when I was seriously down ( yup you read that right ) 15 seconds in the morning when I was still asleep it rand I said who and then he rattled some words off and in 15 seconds he hung up his end ( not inventing this either as I a new thing it is a smart phone ) best thing ever and who would have thought I could have all that software in a pocket -- really it almost does my laundry ( has three clocks ) hey I have made a whole bunch of really cool friends all over this planet

I taking schooling on with a few apps (that is what they is called) " I thinks "

Shitz think I was puffing that weeds as a QUIT on weeds went into everything ( it is how they wired me with the BIG PHARMA since 1983 ( no kidding ) till now -- you know that is 38 long tragic years your system (ok their system ) stole from me along with all my teeth ( and it was 22 of em' ) they had em' yanked cold turkey straight out of my mouth in a 45 minute HORROR show ( with ZERO / NO FREEZING ) but I am not Jewish or anything so Torture of Mental Clients under the State of Alberta's Care is cool I guess ( just why ya all got to use me as your Human Guinea Pig ) like ain't no else that a Government like ours could HURT / MAME or Injury -- and besides you taught me this NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ME, hay fuck you all a whole damn planet something to focus on for a while anyways -- while you all lost your own freedoms ( they are harder to get back than they are to just GIVE AWAY like that ) but yah can't say I didn't warn anyone ( the enemy ) cause the enemy taught me YUP

No One Gives A SHIT About Me

The new Mental Team - less the foot soldiers seems kind of Cool

But I learned to trust and NOW I MUST Learn to NOT TRUST as it gets me screwed

Doctor today was pretty she booked again and less than a month away

2) Smokes December 11, 2007, till now November 22, 2021 = 13 Years- 11 Months & 12 Days and some in extreme locations

3) Opiates November 9, 2010 to January 3, 2019 = 8 Years - 1 Month & 26 Days, Lost due to a Doctor Cutting a HOLE in my Body and once again we find ( NO FREEZING ) like WTF,, I ended on January 3, 2019 as I had a supposed bedsore that needed to be made worse ( this is how they get paid, make work projects ) she cut me open in the Shape of A Heart ( nice huh ) it bled, I bled and when I asked what she thought her reply was even more scary as she said " I have never seen anything like it before " they she stroked my head like a good puppy and walked away

That was December 31, 2018 ( happy new years ) that night I bled like a stuck puppy, and the next day Jan 1, 2019 I had a team of two nurses in my place and I was later accused of attempting to hit a nurse with one of my Staffs / Canes ( used for my show on the streets as the Mad Hatter Experience ) this was never reported to the Police as they just refused to come to my location even when it was minus -20 to 30c outside I would need to endure the elements and walk 2 plus km there and back

The pain was incredible as there was no way I was ever gonna sleep as the pain was damn brutal and I was NOT ALLOWED to EVEN SIT DOWN

January 2, 2019

Police were called as I started being suicidal again ( really old behavior retriggered by the CUTTING ME OPEN ) " how much can any man take " the Police Officers Names were Chris & Josh

January 3, 2019

Police again and it was Chris & Josh ( again ) the first thing that one of them said was do you have shoes " I said yes " they said " get your shoes on as your still bleeding and we got to get you some help you can ride in the back and no cuffs " I said " thank you " and this is where it was interesting as I met the Dr that was running the ER that night after they had to HOLE / WOUND cleaned she said -- I can see and tell your in pain and I heard that you do NOT want a Tylenol # 3 ( so I know your not drug seeking can I get you some regular Tylenol and I said yes with a tear in my eye as blood and pain started again ) this is damn hard to write as it is like reliving this damn show

I saw the Dr at about 2am and we talked all night as kept at it seeing if I had reached a point I needed a Opiate and I explained I was OUD ( Opiate Use Disorder ) and this shit was and is hard as I feel like a massive failure all the time mainly when a doctor or a nurse needing my drug profile ask as at about 2pm the next afternoon I was sent packing to my Family doctor and was unmercifully pushed onto the Opiate drugs and I didn't want a relapse and she kept saying it would be okay ( something deep down said DO NOT DO THIS EXTREME DANGER ) my very treatment was threatened and I had a damn HOLE in MY TAIL BONE and I needed treatment -- I gave in and then it escalates as it always does with Opiates ( always ) or you get more pain

I failed my Run of 8 Years 1 month and 26 days right there I was and still on Opiates and likely will be until I am dead -- however usage has working with my NEW team PHYSICAL Professionals has come down by 20% ( but also pain all over my body has appeared and has prevented me from many activities of life I once enjoyed like walking around as The Mad Hatter Experience and Making YOU ALL Happy while inside I was emotionally and physically in massive amounts of PAIN ( ACTUAL PAIN ) now walking across my alley is a task

My last doctor the one that got me on the Opiates hated the word Junkie but in reality that is what she turned me into in less than a single year of my life at that. She actually fired my ass after she destroyed me, and I'm sure she checked the Obituary Papers for a while after that -- however resilience of my dad struck again and in three ( 3 ) days from when she fired me ( for misbehaving ) lol ( I got a fucken hole in my body I can't walk, she did this pretty much directly and she fires me for misbehaving it is funny almost like here kindergarten sticker program she had me on I have the stickers on journals so I can actually prove she mentally played with a person with a confirmed mental illness receiving treatment for it that is the mental illness -- sometimes girls with power cross lines, not all the time and not hardly any of the girls as they mostly understand power dynamics in client / patient ( relationships realities ), and this comes mainly from BEING A HUMAN & HAVING A CONSCIOUS AND A HEART & SOULS PACKAGE on board

4 = BOOZE end day February 15, 2013 running still November 22, 2021 = I have now been sober for === 8 Years -- 9 Months & 7 Days == God is Great

Damn the Morning of February 15, 2013 @ 930am I awoken at my apartment door and I knew I was home all night like every night for a while as I was still drunk -- But it would be Two of The City of Edmonton Police Service Officers and I was still drunk and I was shaking like I must have killed something as I was a mess after 2 / 2 liter Red Wino Wine and they got the constant stream of words coming straight at my head and I was feeling every syllable pounding and it kept on and on then I actually heard in my native language of English " You have threatened to punch your Psychiatrist in the head over the phone to his receptionist " like you say what?

I didn't remember a damn thing and about that at all, then they left and I walked around in a daze I called up my landlord and my friend and said I am a drunk all he said back was " we know " ( who else knew I wondered )

On June 6, 2021 I began having micro rapid flashbacks into the past that started to happen around the mentalage days in 1983 and would carry on till now as I started to unravel the start and some of the Abuses I was put through by the Alberta Mental Health ( it was not called Adiction Serives way back then ) I think

I was lucky as I had a few year before the SOR ( Structure Of Reality ) / System started to pump me FULL of every Pharmacutical Under the Druggists lights

Weird was it was NOT until a War ( that is still underway ) I am getting my ass once again KICKED

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