Sept 17: I Am Mentally Falling Into Pieces From All Of This As I Feel That The City EPS

Want me DEAD as the stress that I am facing all the time is horrible as it is a cruel game of LIFE & DEATH and That The Edmonton Police Service Wishes Me To Be Dead as then they wave at me dressed as The Mad Hatter Experience on the streets of Edmonton it is HORRIBLE

PTSD is alone HORRIBLE and NOW NOT BEING ABLE TO CALL ANYONE FOR HELP -- I HAVE TO FUCKEN KILL MYSELF -- THERE IS NO HELP FOR ME IN ALL OF ALBERTA --- Never Mind Edmonton but all of The Province and I am so alone that it actually HURTS on a Mental Basis so bad that it has become PHYSICAL and I am still out on The Streets of Edmonton Making People Happy with The Mad Hatter Experience and then tonight as I sat at the Patio at The Cafe drinking TAP WATER -- cause I no longer have an appetite at all and have been living on KozyShack Pudding daily as a DIRECT Result of The Torture That was inflicted on Me on June 22, 2016 when all my Teeth's were YANKED from MY MOUTH

WITH ZERO FREEZING and NO SCREAMING as she said she had Children in Her Clinic and it fucken hurt like hell not for hours but days ... and I had to be retrained on how to pee again after the Chemical Destruction of my Body and Mind - and everything was shot and it took 4 months plus to get me off the DRUGS that were used by ONE Doctor in Stony Plain Hospital once again it was a plan to destroy me as it has been multiple times in my life as they want me dead, and I feel that I might one day say I QUIT as it feels like I am at WAR and The People of The City ( that care are even attacking me ) and logically I know that they are not, but welcome to the WORLD of PTSD as It was diagnosed on June 22, 2021 exactly 5 years after the TEETH Torture Experience and MY Doctor told me

I no longer know what to do anymore I have been walking 6+ KM to make PEOPLE HAPPY and I am dying out there and I am still concerned about others --- I no longer Understand much of the WHY The EPS would do this to a HUMAN that is pain in the damn ass but not directly hurting anyone

I am so very sorry, and sad right now as maybe I killed and destroyed my family as a direct result of BEING --- RAPED -- in Grade School I remember the look on My Dad's Face after this he couldn't even stand to look at me and I started screwing up at everything in my life and world ... I wish that I would have died then .. but I have been told by Therapists that I did nothing wrong, bad, or dirty .. I was RAPED and I WAS / AM A CHILD as I never grew up after the RAPE occurred as I was sitting at my table at the cafe tonight and all these incredible girls / ladies were attempting to talk to me

But I am shit scared now of Girls / Ladies as I never ever grew up ( I am so very very SORRY AND SAD ) and our Planet is now in the Age of Extinction and most of the population is still UNAWARE of what we are facing .. I am terribly SORRY and SAD as I tried to WARN PEOPLE but the WORLD WROTE ME OFF AS THE CRAZY ONE ( NO THAT WAS MY FAMILY )

iT IS 923PM and I am totally fried as I have nothing left for anyone again this last few days I have spent a day or two passed out in the LIVING ROOM on The Love Seat a I think one day at least on my floor in the bathroom as I have zero energy anymore and I just pass out I attempt to get to my bedroom but don't actually get there much it is like I drop out of the Consciousness State and wake up hours later and then I try to sort my life out as I am disorganized when I come to ( this could be that we are mixing OPIATES & Mental Meds daily ) we so far don't know and currently I don't have a doctor as the one across my ally out back [ fired my ass ] when I pressured him over taking two ( * 2 * ) Opiates at the same time as I have

O.U.D. ( OPIATE USE DISORDER ) and never ever should have ever been put back on them which occured January 4th 2019 ( a few days after the supposed BEDSORE that they claimed was there was CUT OPEN ON NEW YEARS EVE by a DOCTOR that CUT IT IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART once again with ZERO FREEZING and then it would not stop bleeding and the pain was Horrible throughout the New Years Holiday and the Home Care Nurses were here on January 1, 2019 and bandaged me up and left however by evening it was bleeding again and the Police were called it was Officers Chris & Josh and I did NOT want to go to the HOSPITAL on the January 3, 2019 the Police once attended my home and they saw that I was in bad pain again it was Josh & Chris this time they refused to allow me to stay in the house as they could see I was in pain and I was suffering so I grabbed a few things ( The Mad Hatter Experience ) Clothing and a bag and off to The Royal Alex we went when The ER Doc came in she said " I can see that YOU are not drug SEEKNG but I also see that YOU are suffering so won't YOU please take a Tylenol # 3 ( Codiene ) and I refused all night as I remember it was 2am and then it was 2pm and I was still there and her and my FAMILY doctor whose office started the damn thing with the HOLE on October 15, 2018 during a routine exam -- The Finger One-- and that was the start of yet another round of torture on my body and mind

Then I was sent to my Family doctor on January 4, 2019 and at 4pm I took my first Tylenol #3 after being CLEAN by my own doing from November 9, 2010 = 8 YEARS , 1 MONTH AND 26 DAYS ( CLEAN NO OPIATES ) NO WEED , NO BOOZE, NO CIGS ) AND then the loop began all over again I HATED my FAMILY DOCTOR for a very long time and Im now on two OPIATES a day -- and she didn't get me on the second one

Both DOCTORS KNEW about The OUD

I don't count anymore as a PERSON as I am a RAPE VICTIM that was VIOLATED as a CHILD

And now I get a new charge every time I reach out for HELP and NOW the Legal Aid Lawyer is attempting to get the system off as if I want a TRIAL then they have to play EVER CALL I MADE FROM JANUARY 6, 2022 till now ( and it is around 100 ) if you want to come down to the COURT HOUSE YOU MIGHT GET A CHANCE TO HEAR ACTUAL SUFFERING AND PAIN FROM A CHILD RAPE VICTIM OF A CATHOLIC PRIEST -- AND THIS IS WHY THE PRIEST IN MY CHURCH TOLD ME THAT

GOD CAN MAKE EXCEPTIONS TO SUICIDE ( BULLSHIT ) IT IS A CARDINAL SIN AND MY GOD DOES NOT GIVE EXCEPTIONS -- NONE AND HE KNOWS THAT I WAS RAPED BY ONE OF HIS KIND AND WOULD RATHER HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED

I AM NEVER EVER GONNA KILL MYSELF EVER AS I DIDN'T KNOW THE RULE UNTIL I MADE A WHACK OF CALLS AROUND TO ALL SORTS OF CATHOLIC CHURCHS ( REFRAMING ) THE STRUCTURE OF THE QUESTION EACH TIME

BUT ENOUGH OF THIS RAPE BULLSHIT AS THAT IS WHAT THEY DO, AND GOD WILL DEAL WITH THEM ALSO I NEED NOT WORRY EXCEPT THAT I TOTALLY RESPECTED THE CITY OF EDMONTON POLICE SERVICE AS THEY WERE HERE ONE NIGHT AND I AM A SENIOR CITIZEN AND OFFCER CINDY CLIMBED UP ON SOMETHING AND CHANGED THE LIGHT BULBS OVER MY DINNING TABLE .. WHILE TWO OF THE TEAM THAT CAME OUT SET UP MY BED THAT WAS AGAINST A WALL AND I WAS SLEEPING ON A SOFA AS THAT WAS A THING A DOCTOR DID TO STRESS ME OUT AND PUNISH ME EVEN MORE... BUT THEY SET UP THE BED

YOU SEE EVEN IF I DIE RIGHT KNOW I OWE THE CITY OF EDMONTON POLICE SERVICE OFFICERS MY LIFE ( SO I GUESS IT IS EVEN ) AS ONE DAY ALONG LONG TIME AGO ON

FEBRUARY 15, 2013 AT 930AM I AWAKEN BY A TERRIBLE POUNDING ON MY APT DOOR AND I FOOLISHLY OPENED IT EVEN AFTER THEY SAID IT WAS THE

CITY POLICE -- OPEN THE DOOR

AND I WAS STILL pretty drink from the 4 liters of cheap wino wine the night before and i still have no clue as to how long the two officers were in my living room with one officer looking at the main book shelf and the other one that could really talk and use the damn English language as a damn weapon of mass destruction ripped me apart and he was not stopping and i was shaking like I was holding a jack hammer and I was popping BENZOS trying to stop the shakes

finally he said something that i actually heard ' you threatened to punch your doctor (shrink) in the head over the phone to his receptionist "

the officers when they had literally beat the crap out went away and i began thinking and thinking and thinking and I was unable totally to remember saying that to the Doctors Office and I asked myself

" What else have I said to people while drunk that I do not remember do I not remember? " and I then said

" I don't know!!! "

And it scared me on a level I had never experienced and I was drinking from 1975 just after my DAD PASSED away

I STOPPED RIGHT THERE I HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK SINCE THAT NIGHT BEFORE MY ENCOUNTER WITH THE -- ANGELS -- IN POLICE UNIFORMS

YESTERDAY ON SEPTEMBER 16, 2022 WAS

3,500 DAYS WITHOUT A DRINK THINK ABOUT THAT 3,500 DAYS AND I SPENT 59 DAYS AT CHRISTMAS IN THE HOMELESS SHELTER ( THINKING LONG AND HARD ON HOW BADLY I SCREWED UP ) AND IT WOULD GET WORSE AFTER THAT AS I WAS SHUFFLED AROUND FOR

37 LONG AND HARD MONTHS -- NO CHARGES -- JUST INDEFINATE PRISON TIME UNTIL I CAME BACK TO THE PLACE IAM IN NOW AND VERY GRATEFUL FOR

37 MONTHS AND MAYBE THIS IS WHY I AM PHYSICALLY SICK OVER THE CHARGES I AM FACING RIGHT NOW .. FOR SEEKING HELP INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE AS I HAVE NO IDEA ANYMORE WHAT ANYONE WANTS FROM ME

BUT IF YOUR IN THE CITY -- OF EDMONTON -- WHERE WE CHARGE RAPE VICTIMS FOR SEEKING HELP AS A RESULT OF PTSD

STOP BY THE COURT HOUSE AND HAVE A LISTEN TO SOME OF THE TAPES OF A BOY / MAN CALLING OUT FOR HELP BEFORE EVEN CRAZIER SHIT HAPPENS

COULD BE WORTH A LAUGH TO HEAR A ADULT HUMAN PERSON CRY OUT FOR HELP TO COPE WITH THE PTSD AND PAIN OF THINKING THAT I CAUSED MY DADS DEATH AND MY LITTLE SISTER GETTING TAKEN AWAY FROM THE FAMILY HOME AND THEN MY MOM ENDING UP IN A PRISON / NURSING HOME FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND THE HOME I GREW UP IN BEING SOLD AND MOVING INTO A MOTEL ON THE ST ALBERT TRAIL AND then a search warrant arriving on my door of that motel unit and the RCMP basically kicking my ass of the town i grew up in

The whole process took just three years ( and you think I was not re traumatized over and over again and again )

Well I guess you can think what you want, the search warrant is on my wall framed from October 13, 1978 long time ago I guess I was 17 years old and now I am 61 years old a new friend thought I was like 45 years it blew my mind as she is very pretty and scary as she is a girl / lady and as I said I am shit scared of girls / ladies now ( probably have been and will be for the rest of my days on Earth )

Thank YOU for the time

God Bless Ya All

Lucien The Light II

DrHatterZ