Sept 25~ Wow I had a great day today as IT was "fun" and I needed this one as I have been depressed
Started this morning / afternoon with a ( worker at Access ) (J) and me having a decent talk as I am attempt to prove to myself that I am not a bad person to myself as I have been feeling like I have let my entire city down with seeking help for PTSD / As a result of The RAPE as I am and have been dealing with a lot of shity feelings as a result to the point that I have been praying to GOD & Jesus Christ to take me away as I feel like a burden to Earth and all the stuff happening on it over the last while as I cannot make none of it end and I feel so responsible for all of it as shit it won't stop the pain either physical & or mental / emotional and I am struggling to feel HUU MAN as I am making errors all over the damn place and I can't stop this shit no more as it rolls over me and crushes and me and I am in much pain and I feel like I need YOUR HELP ALL OF YOU ( EARTHLINGS ) as we have a problem in the Ukraine and Russia and now Germany is buying a Gas Company for 39B Pounds and we need to stop that damn war and treat each other again with love and compassion as it is not that hard if I can pull it off with the minimum few dollars I have we can all do it as I challenge YOU all to invest $ 5 in your fellow mankind daily everyday as then we will see where were at
Look there is Santa Clause and The Reindeers -- I would rather not grow up if it involves killing and bombing and hurting one and another maybe I will find a girl that wants a grown up one day ... but I am kind of fun this way --thank you "MY" people of the City of Edmonton and Earth for a Somewhat Decent Day -- Iam so very tired as sleep was a hard sell again last light as I am always running out of small whites and pain killers to take the physical pain down before I attempt to sleep and it is so damn hard when one is in pain to rest
I met a very pretty lady in the front on the Italian Ctr ( damn brain I once again forgot her name as I can't remember things at times, I met a few other beautiful ladies at the Save ON Store she had a bright Orange Shirt on and she was very fun to be around ) I am meeting humans ( ladies / Girls ) I am -- The Man Without Memory - at these times as I get shit scared as I am not sure what to say, do, think, as I said I become
The Man Without Memory
And so is my lot in life as even pretty girls in pretty cars as I am going to need a girl, that has a car ( or a few or a lot ) then again I walk so what they hell does I knows
I am in much pain again tonight as I walked to Save On and Back to The Italian Ctr and grabbed a water and ice and then I grabbed 6 pounds of dried beans as I has a weird nasty as fuck feeling as some shit is going to occur this winter and some HUU MANNZ are going to be very hungry
I am very Bless (we all are) think it is 2022 and I hold in my pocket a computer that can do more shit than the rocket that got the men to the moon in 1969 / 70'
Oh hell it is hotter than HELL in my Place and The Door is now opened till I think I might pass out again as I don't sleep right no more as maybe I should attempt to go see the doctor at the new clinic as I am struggling major with the depression over the damn charges from SEEKING HELP FOR PTSD from my CHILDHOOD RAPE as I am so TIRED RIGHT NOW NOW but I did get the food walk done and I got a washing & drying set of clothes done and I feel very good bout that
I haz about 60 minutes and then I am thinking of bed
NIGHT EDMONTON