Well, Well has The World Changed-- Just as Society Design Inc. knew it would all I needed to do was to accept the utter and totally helplessness of my life/world and to surrender into it
I had basically given up as I had "lost hope" and once it is gone weird movement take place inside ones brains and are manifested trough the life one lives (I actually had given up to the point I overdosed 6 days ago) i am ashamed of this as I have received so much love, and kindnesses in the last while but I didn't see any hope (as the pain levels on August 14 were between 7-9.5 most around the 9-9.5 level) and it well it hurt
And then there was the issue with "Access 24/7" refusing service until I could "prove" i had taken a Overdose, YOU all left me for the DEAD and I was lucky that moment as it seems that GOD wasn't in the market for a DEAD (I.C.S.) so the next day I arose from whatever state a bunch of meds put me in
That was the 14th of August
Sometimes HOPE arrives in weird baskets, as on the 14th I was in the early stages of Opiate withdrawal (yeah I needed Opiates) and I was alone all throughout the early stage of my HELL as that is the only way a Cold Turkey off and clean (this began two days before the ATTEMPT on August 12 and there is no easy way to get clean, but human support is needed and I had to use a service "Access 24/7"
That wanted to see me dead, and I pretty much almost gave them what they desired a dead body
Even the City of Edmonton Police Service was way more understanding and empathic as they actually spent a few minutes assisting a human being going through a nasty HELL as I used for almost a year before "drug seeking methods arrived" and I needed more to deal with my pain
And I have O.U,D. and "Access 24/7" has access to that data point
However on the 8th of August I was "allowed" to go on to "Buprenorphine // Naloxone" at a 1/2 tablet every 12 hours however it wasn't enough for the pain I was experiencing, but we (MY TEAM) had to try something as drug buying on the streets is just F'n stupid as we SHOULD ALL KNOW
But when your hurting it actually doesn't matter much as stopping the pain is all that mattered to me. and it still didn't help
On August 12, 2019 I was "allowed" to attempt a new (for me) Anti psychotic called Abilify and we (MY TEAM) decided on 10mg tablets 1x a day for a week to see how i was going to react to it
And finally I WIN I pass the first stage and we get the 400mg injectable ready on the 19th and it would come with a few side effects (it was like being really F'n drunk) and it was in the After Hours (and I needed info on the Med and I foolishly called "Access 24/7" and was abused with stuff no Albertan shouldn't need to deal with as I was hung up on multiple times and verbally abused -- and I was a mess, so I called Health Link and as "Health Link" knows as i was basically asleep as I was talking and E.M.S. was called as weird sh*t was happening
EMS arrived and had no way to enter the building so I had to crawl and it was that bad down 4 flights of steps
Also on August 19,2019 we increased the "Buprenorphine // Naloxone" by 100% which would begin on August 20, 2o19 (tonight) and it was a totally amazing experience as I finally had some hope as I was at a
Pain Level of 2-4 for a few hours (F'n Brilliant)
And between August 19-20 I was "allowed" 12 hours and 2 minutes of sleep, which was totally amazing
Iam rambling now so now for
The Goo Times: August 20, 2109 edition
"Buprenorphine // Naloxone" 2/05mg (1/2 tablet)
Divalproex 750mg (mood meds)
Pantoprazole 40mg (tummy) "mommy my tummy hurts"
Tylenol 1,000mg (pain level 9.5) Note on file--- "It can't get worse or can it?"
"Buprenorphine // Naloxone" 2/05mg (1 full tablet) (pain level 8)
Gabapentine 600mg (pain level 8.5)
Naproxen 500mg (pain level 9.2)
Tylenol 1,000mg (pain level 6)
1146pm -- pain dropped to 4 -- "this I can do"
1227AM -- Pain level 2 (amazing)
Benzotropine 1 mg
We made it to two today
at 508am pain is 6/7 (mid back is sore also)