Tonight as you head off to another sleep attached night I am up for the nighttime and this is a sad day in my life as I said goodbye to another few people that played the role of friends in my life. You have had these people in your life too but hopefully not for to long as after a while you start seeing the world the way that they want you to see it (and for me) this was a "excuse" filled reality where someone or something was always to blame other than me and of course and for what I pulled on them well maybe it is me who is at a wrong however when I decided to take personal responsibility for my life on November 28, 2020 at 330am when I woke up in massive pain again for another night I had no idea it would cost me relationships I had thought were solid and then again I don't know if COVID 19 had anything to do with this as people are testy right now and we all ( and this includes me ) want our lives back the way they were before the pandemic began on March 14, 2020 ( as it has been a long 443 days yes its been 1 years 2 months and 17 days ) its been hard and it seems much longer than it actually has been as the time has done some weird screwing with our brains as shit I need a hair cut and I just can't get one as the barbers are all closed ( weird ) I can get a bottle or a case of beer but the buddies can't hook up at the bar and then stop bye -- glad I am sober at least as some people around me have started drinking using the oldest excuse in the book ( COVID ) then again why not when I drank and I did for a very long time I didn't even think of it as an excuse as I was always drinking -- I lost friends ( drinking buddies ) when I got sober, a bunch of years back, I lost friends again when I became homeless I then started to make friends again and then I up'd the efforts on personal responsibility just 184 days ago = 6 months and 3 days ago and the cycle started again as I shouldn't be so focused of personal responsibility and I have to be as my I enjoy being as responsible as I possibly can be
Reality Time -- I have already begun to build a new network of people that support me in what I have been doing as I am begin as responsible as I ever have been and some people see the good in this
And there is goodness in this as this is NOT a bad path to be on as I practice the Japanese Art of Kaizen which I practice on a daily basis this is an Art a Skill Set & Mind Set that should be created in the school system from K - 12 -- But you know I didn't do so shit hot in the educational system as I was creative ( and once again it is coming back ) and the school wasn't ready for me as it was a training ground for workers // employees -- and with going to work with my DAD from ages 7 - 12 during summer and on Saturdays in the Spring & Fall my DAD wasn't designing an "employee"
Funny how this life and world all works out as we go through it as NOW I am ready as a OWNER as January 2020 I started as a way to gain skills, learn systems, get a better understanding of Business Principals and get a great deal on my own personal products this offer is only good in North America at this time and here is my link
I have been able to meet people that have inspired me and pushed me and my growth continues and for the price of a theater night out ( whenever they open again ) this is a asset -- and a network of some really great people
I now have been into trading sports cards, books etc
As I continue to grow I seem to lose more of the people that perceive me as useless as what does I do as the Mad Hatter Experience? I am often asked when I say " I < Make Happy People > most people do not know what to say as a street audience was flying by as I stand on a sidewalk ---
The Mad Hatter Experience is supposed to be a S.O.R. a J.O.B. and I only see the future as a frenzied one as the people that have gone wanted me to see the future as a bad thing as humanity is not going to end anytime soon
This is it and all we get and this 100 years we get to experience life we need to decide and be trained then again I don't own a TV and now I do not have Netflix and I don't have a cable bill and or a Netflix bill -->
I was not conditioned or trained to have many friends when I was a kid and was pretty much kept away from other kids and then my Hero my DAD passed on February 19, 1975 when I was a 14 year old ( for 15 days ) and all I could tell my dear mom was I would figure it out -- she had me pick out a suit for his casket and the casket and then she found out NO insurance and the casket was down graded and the family took it out on me as I didn't get the right casket or the right suit (I was a kid at 14) and just lost my DAD and I wasn't mentally in any shape to think anymore as I was grieving ( but in 1975, children were supposed to suck it up) and deal with it -- we as a society didn't know any better no one is to blame as we always look to blame -- I fell into the booze and weeds that year and it would be a very long time before I was able to figure it out and get ( C&S ) " Clean & Sober "
I am no longer taking crap from any one that thinks I have yet suffered enough of the BS that they have had me endure as a direct of all they put me through as it can't continue with me constantly getting beat up and pushed around ( it makes ZERO cents ) okay ( ZERO sense ) as I am going to go deeper into my head to discover [ what I was meant as ] and do NOT tell me after 44 months 19 days of amusing you all as the Mad Hatter Experience and 666 blog posts before this one that you know me at all as only the GOD knows of Lucien II as I was long before as I was never before was I
It has been since 1985 I have been in the Mental Health Industry and I have seen some very, very horrible -- shit -- till now ( BTW ) that's 36 years of my life ( that I don't get back and I had stolen from me ) and that is a life time -- MY LIFE TIME -- and NOW
What do I want? no fu*k that
What do I need?
I need and have needed a Mental Health Therapist as I have been asking and pleading with damn near everyone for a very, very long time and the only Mental Health " help " I get is a Psychiatrist ( this gap will be 42 days = 1 month and 12 days ) and I do everything she / they ask of me from getting " JABBED " every 28 days to pills daily
And what do I get a problem with the drainage system and they can't fix it WTF am I doing with YOU people as you fed me drugs daily all my life and then started to shoot me up on September 10, 2018 ( every 28 days ) and now my dick leaks ( after it drains ) sorry but one doesn't ever read stuff like this often as its a medical issue and a test would give us information you know I told my doctor " I want the dick leaking test " he smiled and I smiled and still no test was ordered and yes I know I need to advocate stronger ( it has been awhile as shit they made a roast out of me when the went to fix the wound /ulcer that was going to kill me ) what the stuff I seen in that hospital stay ( physical unit ) was like 12 dead bodies and one weekend alone we had 4 in my Unit alone and student nurses were fun but dangerous
S hit it has been a weird life ( Mad Hatter Experience ) has definitely had some weird experiences
TELL me what damn rules I broke -- please?
OH shit do NOT tell me I got sick and this is my punishment for that damn crime as you get sick and we dole out sympathy but considering I didn't die YET you punish me more,
I am pissed off that I can't get the damn help other ( newbies ) in the Mental Health Industrial System get
Wonder if you all see the IRONY here -- Social Isolation / Distancing -- The Jab -- The Deaths - I am sitting back and even when you took my Christmas 2020 away by planting my in a COVID Unit in the best room in the hospital pretty much -- I didn't crack, then you remotely knocked out my cell phone that I just bought and I had major issues with Apple and the Carrier and it took months to sort everything out and Apple and my Carrier were all stars as I was a mess as I lost everything I had on it ( remotely )
I FALL lots but every time I go down I get up STRONGER than I was the last time as the FRIDGE / FREEZER packed it in costing me all my foods in it I figured it out thanks to some of the network I still have and that I am so very grateful for
I am so angry tonight as a Crisis Line worker told me to talk to my Care Team ( that is pretty funny ) as I have a long wait between sessions and i get maybe 25-30 minutes every 42 days --
So then I call The City of Edmonton Police Service as enough is more that enough and I am going to figure out this puzzle box of [ The Mental Health Industrial Management System] damn that pretty much is starting to sound coolio
Like what next a Police Presence as they are on the way over to my Penthouse in the sky and I will do a follow up as this is all going to be OKAY as I am so damn tired of getting screwed -- Okay its a 4th floor walk up --
Going to post this now before my 4 am guests are here for coffee and cookies ( OK maybe no cookies ) but I have a brand new box of Girl Guides cookies circa 2019 anyways I need a new supply soon as it is worth the nickel for the cookies and I can eat them with no teeth ( DO NOT TRY THIS ) tooth removal with no freezing sucked it was June 22, 2016 in Stony Plain AB look her up she was great at pain infliction
Night for now maybe
Lucien The Mad Hatter Experience / Keylo & The Mind Parasites