This Weekend So Far (it is Saturday) has changed me and everything in my world

I was grounded by a Princess a lady that has the same power as my dear mother had around 1973 when she started to get ill with MS (fuck this is a nasty as hell illness) I think my dad moved out around this time I think it was earlier 1971 around there but mom had a strange power and a few of my Catholic Girl Friends also had it

This POWER could basically order me to do things that I never really wanted to do as it was like being a slave to them as it began in grade 4 ish as the group of Girls would grab me and damn well tie my up to the climbing bars and shit like this

I would be helpless (and I enjoyed it) as I was then functioning at a very, very intense level as I was pushed on everything I was supposed to do as I had to be the BEST and I was in a bunch of stuff as I was basically forced as a few hours a day (evening) after a session with the school studies and then it was late and time to read before bedtime (1-2 hours) sometimes Dad would select the books and I would get all the books I wanted as we had a club for books when I was young and they would send them to my home and it would be 10 books everytime we got this plus there was this magazine like paper that was there monthly I think and I was allowed to read through this

You know what was MISSING from my childhood (people) I was basically not allowed to spend time with kids as the books were callijng I remember playing ice hockey in the first year I think we were called the knights of columbus (I was not allowed a photo in the jersey) as

This was when I realized that I didn't count much as I had a Montreal Canadians jersey with Frank Mahovilich 27 number as this was the player on The Montreal Candians that I likeld he had a brother Pete there was not that many teams at that point as when the family basically

ENDED

Everything in my world came crashing done the Girls were saying away as it was like I was a bad person all of a sudden and my few people i was playing Road Hockey with were gone also and I would be left with the BOOKS and then..

The St Albert Library showed (Mom took us/me) and I was allowed books out of every corner and every subject on anything I wished to study and learn but I was no longer able to do school as the Bullies began in GRADE 5 and I was beat daily and I was not into being attacked and beaten as FUCK

Then in Grade 6 I was moved into a TOUGH Class as the strangest dream I recently had waas a month or so ago -- and it was like I drove a pencil into someones EAR (this happened I don't know but shit the dream freaked me out) so I was placed in a REMEIDAL class for slow learners and it this was screwed up as we would show up and do pretty much nothing as The Teacher was aalso The Princapal he did not care as it was more a baby sitter gig than a teachimng gig

Great hey, welcome to the GRADE 7 experiemnt as for one ( 1 ) year they treat me like a dummy and then then next year GRADE 7 everything is back to normal in a new school as it was like the only thing that mattered was BULLIES and they showed up along with more of them (Dad was out of the House and The Bus was theirs and I would be beaten pretty much every day and I would begin to walk and then they would figure my path out

I had to cross St Albert Trail and there was a steady flow in the morning ansd afternoon this was horrible

I didn't like school that much anymore as where I loved to go as IT WAS GREAT this sucked as I remember a beating by Danny L and it was at the very back of our bus and it lasted basically from when I was getting on until the bus was at the school (FUCKEN KIDS) and I was able to stop at the St Albert Library sometimes and grab a book or two and that would be for nighttime and it was MY only time I was really able to relax but already I was a mess as I started to fear this stuff as fuck I was no longer at all able to concentrate as I was always damn tense as the kids were all the place

I knew as I was alone as in Grade 8 I was once again moved along with most of the kids from the GRADE 6 REMEDIAL CLASS to this one as their fucked up experiement with my life was on as how the hell were all us ( SLOW LEARNERS ) according to some stupid concept that no one understood and no one made up it was a punishment class (and oh we had a NEW SCHOOL on the Bottom of the Hill of The Holy Roman Catholic Church and daily I would need to see this damn church and then attempt to think about school stuff as then this was giod with dad out of the house as he had now started having Heart Attacks and I went to see him in The Catholic Convenant Misercordia Hospital (and I swear that he was shit scared as the look on his face is still embedded in my mind it was FEAR and HORROR) as he seen or was told something that freaked him out totally (He was at the Car Race Track when this occured Westwind Oval) and I remember the moment that I saw him being loaded into an ambulance I knew this was not good at all as i knew my life and world had all changed that day and I went off the GRANDSTANDS and under them and started punching the columes holding them up

Now I see sometimes Humans where I go that I went to school with at the CAFE and they look at me as something that was created as I was a bit as I went through 37 plus months of training in the REAL WORLD DYNAMIC SCHOOL where CHRISTMAS 2013 & 2020 were spent in places not many people go

i don't know many people

but then she arrived and has crashed my freaken mind not once (as you learn the lesson) but this is wild as it is intoxicating and I feel my mother will, and i listen and obey and never ever has this occured -- I am jumping throu hoops and I only want to be cared for and surrender everything as I occured a very long time ago and I am not here am I?

You maybe right

No longer no?

I have no damn idea anymore but I fear this lady and I am beginning the DAO to save Humanity as I have had enough of humans being hurt by other humans

like what the fuck are we not seeing that HUmanity has but one place to call our home EARTH and we are fucking it up

then it won't damn well matter but for a few very rich humans that think they can mKAE A DEAD planet habitable again

I have news 1000 years for the planet to heal itself from this type of silliness of humanity and nukes is so crazy

why as I want to only help and I am so sorry for the phone and everything I ever did sorry as I don't know this PTSD shit at all but I do know I need to ask permission from the Manager of my food store to go get a few grocery items ... seriously and I have to walk 4km and then pay also and with inflation people on fixxed income are being damn well crushed along with the seniors in my community as shit it freaks me out as the look in their eyes when the put a food item back on the shelf after seeing the NEW PRICE is sad and it hurts me that I can't fix it as shit as long as we fight she wil have that look in her eyes and it is so messed up it truly is as this is what we do to old people

we need be ashamed of ourselves (those that have so much excess) saved for a rainy day

FUCK IT IS ALREADY RAINING or ARE WE ALL BLIND