"Weeds In My Urine" -- And Level 10+ Pain

How can this possibility be that a damn human can survive so much and get yet another __ __ CK en dose of the most exquisite pain imaginable all while people were are having so much fun only a few blocks away

I am done, as this is way to hard as its level ++10 and pretty much all screwed up day to, extenuate the wisps of the willow on my poor body that has been beaten from "pillar to post" over the last nine (9) plus months

But hey I am still sober although my "personal physician" needed to remind me "we found weeds in your urine

You Know when this started I did have "fantasies" of a dominate female running the show and keeping me in check with a little of her own brand of S&M into my life n' world

These days I no longer have FANTASIES of much of anything just getting through a few minutes without pain as this has become __ __ CK en retarded totally as maybe leather and chains could revive a wounded soldier as I am truly a man that got shot down and the enemy hunted from within

But then again on June 16, 2018 I told a good friend that hosts a show on FM radio here in Edmonton that it sure as hell felt like I was being HUNTED this was just 423 days ago and the Girls / Ladies have been all over the place and she played it on the air and the adventures / misadventures began around that time as the wound was still awhile away as it would arrive some 121 days later = (3 months & 29 days) till my life and world would be turned upside down and inside out (Girls / Ladies) your amazing as Chaos came packed in that Dr ((R)) exam that took place on October 15, 2018 in room 1 in Pod A at MUHC thank you Dr (((S))) for making my outing a possibility that day

damn it, you all are givng me everything I ever dreamed of and more are you not? You Girls / Ladies / Goddesses are a serious kind of "Mind __ __ CK" are you not?

Thank YOU Colleen for re-programming, re-designing, re-engineering and re-educating this small town boy on the ways of the Big City "Girls / Ladies"


Great song title for my music projek called Key' Lo & The Mind Parasites

and by the way I DO NOT SMOKE WEEDS anymore and my last toke was between September 14, and September 21, 2018 when I was kind of strictly and kind of kindly reminded to "don't do this fool" and when "[[THEY]]" Send notes it is best for me anyways to pay attention as "[[THEY]]" some times actually seem to give a sh*t about me my previous drug history was I stopped cold on March 18, 2006 and had 5 single tokes between that day and September 14 when I bought 2.5 grams followed by purchasing another 2.5 grams on September 21 when I found their love note that read "don't do this fool"

I DO NOT SMOKE WEEDS and actually don't think Justin does either regardless if it is legal it effects neruochemistry and as a bone a fide card carrying member of "Schitzophrenics Are Us: North American Group" I shouldn't either it is a chemical thing with me

And By The Way --I still have my fantasies but I get to actually get to go home at the end of the session and have pain that ends a while later and does not linger for nine (9) plus damn months as this has had to have been the longest S&M // B&D ever recorded

And I am no longer getting much if any pleasure from it

AT ALL in fact it HURTS for 299 days now

and we all know what occurs at 13 month don't we

There are clinical studies on how prolonged exposer to pain actually changes the physical structure of the human brain -- and I have the deck stacked against me from the get go with the AUD, OUD, Cluster B, And The Schizophrenia '

I should be a drinking and getting __ __ CK en wasted but I am both "clean & sober" regardless of what a single doctor who is as are we all on her own "Personal Psychotherapy Pilgrimage" I just wished at times that our paths didn't cross in 2011 when I first started sharing my own (Pilgrimage ) with a doctor (TRUST) who would use my data as a __ __ CK en weapon when i truly needed a damn doctor

But it all will come out at the end as she hurt-ed me on this one and I ''TRUSTED'' Her with my whole __ __ CK ed up life

I still should have been treated as a Human Being and not a PET in her screwed up zoo I am a human or was previous to October 15, 2018 just 299 days ago

My hookers, junkie, misfit and homeless friends treat me more like a person than do certain health care providers

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